Welcome back to Family Therapy! We resume smack-dab in the middle of Michael dropping the “Deny Everything” t-shirt in front of Dina, and walking off, leaving some of the participants to wonder if he’s walking off the show. Hello, my name is passive/aggressive, says Michael Lohan. Dina then says she’d rather have a shirt thrown at her than a fist. Really?! Me, too, but Michael didn’t throw the shirt at you, Dina. Keep it real.
Why are these two on this show anyway (besides a check)? Shouldn’t Michael be working on his relationship with Kate Major and the kids? If there’s any silver lining here it’s that Brittany is so very happy not to have an ex-husband…yet. To put Dina at ease, though, Dr. Jenn has hired more security. She says it’s for Michael, but I think it’s really for Sister.
It’s day three and Bam is struggling with his detox. He wants to sleep and is nauseous all the time. I don’t have a Ph.D. but I wonder if Bam should have completed detox prior to his coming here. Mom, April, is worried, and if Bam’s having a bad day, so is April. They are very intertwined.
In the kitchen Sister asks Dina what she did to Michael to make him want to leave. Dina explains she did nothing, it was Michael who threw a shirt at her. Wait, what? The shirt wasn’t thrown at you, Dina. Sister asks again what she did, but this time Dina leaves, or tries to, but Sister comes after Dina ready to read her some more. Where is that security guard when you need him? Dina runs off to her room.
Meanwhile, Tiffany realizes that Michael has bemused her mother with his charismatic, leveraged charm. She is not having it. Michael enters the kitchen and has the audacity to say, “Good morning.” Tiffany lashes out at Michael like it’s her mama, and tells him he’s always attacking Dina. Michael explains to Tiffany the only thing Dina has ever done in her miserable life is have children. Tiffany is irate. That’s more than she’s accomplished. Sister informs Michael that his ex-wife is telling people she was attacked by him. My how this story is growing. Michael apologizes to Tiffany for offending her by placing a shirt on a table. Tiffany says from her view he was scary.
There’s a quick scene with some of the cast sitting on a couch, listening to Jeremy and Bobby complain about their brother, Damon. April warns them about figuring out their dynamics. Which is the perfect intro for group therapy! Who’s got the power?
This is going to be fun. It begins with an exercise. Everyone is given a pen and paper and told to write down the name of the person who has the power in their relationship. Dr. Conte says it’s not about right or wrong, but awareness. We’ll see about that, Dr. Conte. We begin with Jeremy, baby brother to Damon Dash. He wrote down oldest brother Bobby’s name as having the power. When asked Damon wrote his own name down. I call that healthy, but the “experts” might call that denial and ego. A heated argument ensues with the brothers after the word boy gets dropped. Dr. Jenn scolds Damon for hitting below the belt.
Next up, Michael and Dina. Michael wrote that Dina has all the power now. Once upon a time Michael had the power during his Wall Street days. Those days ended with a trip to Camp Fed. Michael begins to cry as he describes how Dina destroyed his relationship with the kids while he was “away.” She did that Michael? Really? Then #shirtgate comes up again and that’s why they have extra security, due to Michael’s pre-meditated decision to buy a t-shirt. The Bickerson’s continue, but Dr. Jenn shuts it down.
Onto sisters Brittany and Briana. It’s about damn time. These girls have been in the shadows the entire time. Brittany explains she first wrote down her mom’s name, then changed it to Briana – because Briana has the power over their mom. It seems that mom may have anger management issues. She broke Brittany’s door and lamp for something Briana did. Calling Dr. Conte, anger management specialist! Fingers crossed the girls’ mom will join them for a session this season.
And finally, what would group therapy be without Sister and Tiffany. Tiffany writes MOM on her card and says she’s glad her mother lives on the opposite coast that way she doesn’t have to relinquish her power all the time. Sister has no idea what Tiffany is talking about. In a polite tone, Brittany offers that maybe Sister doesn’t realize she comes off as intimidating. Again, Sister has no idea what she’s talking about. There’s a difference between anger and yelling and if Sister were to get angry, everyone would cease to exist. Wow, how did we make it this long in existence?
Dr. Jenn says to Sister, “Who haven’t you intimidated” and asks for a raise of hands if anyone has felt intimidated by Sister. You know they all want to raise their hands, but only a handful do because Tiffany is begging that they keep their arms down. April calmly explains to Sister that because of the first night, and her witchy-meltdown, they are all a little shell-shocked. Once again, Sister has no idea what these people are talking about. You people be cray-cray and lying on her.
Back in the room, Tiffany tells her mom she didn’t mean to hurt her. Sister is still struggling with the fact that she’s intimidating. How can that be? She’ cute, cuddly and only 5’3”. Sister, spiders are much smaller and they’re intimidating as hell. She blames Tiffany for starting the lynch mob, but not to worry, she doesn’t get mad, she gets even. Nothing intimidating about that.
Out by the waterfall, Jeremy tells April and Bam that he isn’t a fan of Sister, but he’s got his own problems – mainly his brother Damon. He has no desire to move forward when his brother clearly doesn’t respect him. So what Jeremy lives near his mom, in the apartment next door, and is there to help her (and probably eat a few meals) if she needs anything. That’s called manning up.
In the kitchen, Michael wants to talk to Sister but she won’t listen because it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore. Tiffany has an epiphany that she is unhappy due to her mother’s unwillingness to make an effort. Baby girl is growing right before our eyes. She finds April – the mother she wished she had – and they have a pow wow. April assures Tiffany that her mother loves her but is afraid of losing her. Tiffany is mad about the others’ progress when she hasn’t made any. What progress? Therapy is like a burn, in order to heal, it gets worse before it gets better.
Bam is still throwing up and unable to get up and about. April stops by to make sure he’s alive and flush his toilet. He makes it outside for a smoke, and Michael joins him to give a pep talk. At first I was thinking, RUN BAM, but Michael actually did some good. He should know a thing or two about rehab having gone three times. Way to think of someone other than yourself, Michael!
Dr. Jenn is ready to conduct a two-on-one session with Dina, Michael and herself. They are escorted in separately because this will prevent them from fighting? Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work. The purpose is for a history lesson. Dr. Jenn asks how they met. At a bar when Dina was 19. They married six months later. Had Lindsey nine months later. And yada, yada, yada, Michael was accused of insider trading and off to prison he went.
Dina discusses Michael being a loose cannon, missing out on a lot and punching her. Dina says she was followed by Michael’s mafia henchmen and had to visit him every weekend or else. This pisses Michael off. He’s up and the wires are coming off. He’s tired of Dina playing the victim. It’s his turn, damnit. Dr. Jenn offers to get the history separately, but it’s too late. Michael’s a gone guy.