It’s week 5 on #FamilyTherapy and here’s the scary thing – I see a piece of myself in every one of these people. Shit! I need the help of a good therapist. In the meantime…Tiffany and Dr. Jenn are on their way to the hospital. Tiffany is dizzy, mostly from her mom’s crazy behavior, but just to be safe, they get confirmation from doctors that she and the baby are healthy. Sister is pacing in her room, wondering where Tiffany is, but when she returns at 2:30am, doesn’t say a word. Neither dose Tiffany.
The following morning April checks on Bam, because that’s what she does. She asks if he needs his boxers cleaned. Bam is spread out on the bed, obviously not feeling well, annoyed his mom wants to wash his shorts. The nerve! It’s quite clear that April is an enabler, it hasn’t hit just yet – but it will. During her one-on-one, she tells Dr. Jenn that growing up, she never fought with her siblings. Never. Ever. Ever. Life was oblivious. Dr. Jenn points out that over time, April has become a professional rug sweeper-under, and tells her if she doesn’t stop, she will kill Bam. This is a eureka moment for April. But it’s good because she hasn’t done anything for Bam in 10 whole minutes so she’s totally on the road to recovery.
Out by the pool, the new April makes everyone smoothies because this way no one will ever notice that she’s taking care of Bam. But you can’t sneak things past Michael Lohan. He sees through this and correctly assesses that April wants to feel needed. Secretly Michael wishes his ex-wives would act like this.
Group time! This week’s excitement comes from the human bullshit detector and body language expert, Janine Driver. We learn prior to group, there was a staged family photo shoot where an unsuspecting “assistant” judged their interactions. Fun fact: did you know that 85% of liars will have a pitch change in their vocals during the lie? Good to know, she said in a low, steady voice.
First up are the Dash brothers. Aside from the looks of contempt, there was a photo where all three brothers had there right arms in the air without being prompted. They were mirroring each other. This is what we do when we like people. Warms the heart.
Next up is Michael and Dina. During the shoot 50 photos were taken. In 14/15 of them, Michael was looking at Dina. Guess how many times Dina looked at Michael? Once. Michael tells Janine that Dina hardly ever looks at him what gives? Basically Janine says that Dina has her own shit to tend to and it’s all about her. You don’t exactly need a bullshit detector to figure that one out.
Brittany and Briana are up now. In old family photos, Janine points out that Brittany is constantly pushed to the outside of the pics. Brittany says welcome to her life. This is an awakening for Briana. Today’s pictures show that Brittany is still the tough girl and Briana is still the goody two shoes.
Bam and April are next and brace yourself for the ick factor. Janine tells mom and son they look like a dating couple. Out of the 50 photos taken, guess how many times April is touching Bam? Go on guess. All 50! Holy crap. April says it’s because she’s worried, she needs to touch him. Janine tells Bam and the group that April can no longer take care of them. The Dash brothers don’t like this rule – they want their smoothies by the pool. Dr. Jenn explains it’s not that April loves taking care of others, it’s that she loves avoiding her issues. It’s her habit to take care of others. BAM! That’s a lightning bolt of therapy.
Outside, April is a wreck, but won’t admit it. Sister tells her just because someone tells you something about yourself, doesn’t make it true. Look at her, she’s not going to be a grandmother in 8 months. No siree. Bobby Dash reaches out, and April says through tears, “No, I’m totally good.” But she’s not. In fact, she feels sick to her stomach about the touchy/feely pictures with her son. Most profound line of the night is when April says, “I thought I was here for a thousand reasons, but that wasn’t one of them.” First step to change is acknowledging there’s an issue.
The following day is gorgeous and April is redirecting her nurturing energy to Dina. She thinks Dina should go on Dancing With the Stars. Bad idea! Sister takes a moment to share with Bam that a bishop on her Facebook says Bam stands for Blessing And Miracles. Now go and be Brandon. If only Sister would show this kind of grace and compassion to her own daughter.
Dr. Jenn goes to check on Sister to see she how she’s dealing with the news of becoming a grandmother now that it’s had time to sink in. What grandchild? There’s no grandchild. There’s no Huckleberry/Lad/Mini-Tiff in her daughter’s womb. No siree. Dr. Jenn gives up. Hopefully she’ll take Sister’s panicked phone call in 8 months.
Guess what time it is? It’s mini-session time with Brittany and Briana and their mother Roxanne who has flown in from Florida. Here we go! Dr. Jenn pitches a softball question to Roxanne: What is their family’s greatest strength? Their unwavering loyalty no matter how ratchet things get, she says. To demonstrate their mother’s loyalty, the girls tell Dr. Jenn that Roxanne has opened their home to a complete stranger aka Roxanne’s sperm donor father whom they’ve never known, into their small home because she felt sorry for him. Dr. Jenn is shocked. She tells Roxanne she doesn’t have this kind of luxury to offer right now. The girls need to come first. But every little girl needs their daddy, even if they don’t who he is.
Dr. Jenn pushes for answers for the girls. Who is their daddy! Roxanne, having watched A Few Good Men, a few too many times, says, “You can’t handle the truth.” So what is the truth? There was dysfunction to the core. Oh and btw, Briana and Brittany have different fathers. Brittany gets up and leaves so not to throw up on her mother. Another tidbit if info, Brittany’s father is dead. Oopsie, forgot to mention that all those years ago. Roxanne met the new daddy when Brittany was one years-old. Briana tries to follow her sister, but her mother won’t let her leave because she doesn’t want to be alone. And because this moment is about her.
Outside with Dr. Jenn, Brittany says she knew it was something big because her mother never cries like that – and here’s the thing – their mom wasn’t engulfed in sobs. She mostly just dabbed away the tears that trickled out. Briana joins them, hugs her half-sister, and drops the bomb that her dad is dead. Their mom comes outside and has the nerve to tell Brittany she can’t be mad at her. Really? Have you met your daughter? I believe she’s got anger down. For now Brittany walks off – but tune in next week when we resume this hot mess created by the secrets adults keep.
Missed last week? Check it out here: Secrets