*Warning – Do not attempt to watch this show while eating, unless you are looking for an appetite suppressant, then Botched is the show for you! The two doctors are Dr. Terry Dubrow, whose wife is on The Real Housewives of Orange County, and Dr. Paul Nassif, whose ex-wife was on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. They try to fix people who received shotty plastic surgery because they thought it would make their life better.
First up is Frenchy Morgan and boy is she annoying! You may remember her from Rock of Love, I Love Money and Charm School. Or you may not. But thank goodness for subtitles, otherwise you wouldn’t understand a word this triple-threat model/actress/singer is saying. Frenchy was not blessed with big boobs. She’s had two boob jobs so far and wants a third: bigger and not so separated. Frenchy says, “People should notice zee boobs first and not zee sparkling personality.”
Up next is Kathy a former model and current event planner who went to Ecuador as a medical tourist. Bad idea!!! Kathy didn’t like the wrinkles on her neck so a friend knew a doctor in Ecuador who could fix that, plus her nose, which had nothing wrong with it. When Kathy woke up in extreme pain, and her friend was gone (after receiving her finder’s fee – just a guess), Kathy was vomiting and thought she was going to die. If that weren’t bad enough, the surgery left Kathy with more wrinkles and breathing difficulties.
Dr. Terry and Dr. Paul are meeting with Kathy. Dr. Paul is shocked she was given aspirin after surgery. Rule #1: First do no harm. Here’s the rub, Kathy went out of the country to save money, but in the end it cost her way more than that. The doctors’ promise some improvement, but perfection isn’t in the realm.
Next we meet Serena, a 28 year-old from Minnesota, who has a uni-boob, don’t cha know. She too wasn’t blessed with boobs, so a young Serena set out to buy a pair. Right after surgery she knew something was wrong because Serena could feel her muscles ripping when she moved, but the doctor lied to her, then told her he didn’t know how to fix it. The final insult, “Hey, at least you’re not going to be a stripper.” Jerk should lose his license!
Serena meets the doctors and shares that she has no dating life as a result. They conduct the clinical exam. Her breasts look rock hard, even with the fuzzy squares over the nipples. Dr. Terry says it’s the worst case of symmastia he’s ever seen. Ugh. This is so unfair. The problem is, her boobs are too big for her chest area, hence problems.
Joy of joy! We are back with Frenchy on the beach with her friend pushing the side-boobs in. Frenchy pleads with zee friend that she is desperate for zee surgery. The friend doesn’t get why she needs zee surgery, and neither do I. Her boobs are big enough. Is it possible that Dr. Terry and Dr. Paul will decline her surgery? The suspense is not killing me.
It’s time for Kathy’s surgery. Lots of plans are discussed, and I will spare you the sordid details of the neck lift, face lift and nose job. Dr. Paul asks for “no talking” during a very thin skinned moment. Was Dr. Paul happy with the surgery? Yes. Was he ecstatic? No. Words you don’t want your plastic surgeon to say.
Onto Serena whose Percocet was “stolen by the seagulls.” That’s a new one for this Orange County plastic surgeon who’s probably heard it all to get a refill. During surgery, though, things aren’t going well, and Dr. Terry takes a step back to asses with a colleague. But in the end (or the top), Dr. Terry is totally impressed with himself. Oh yeah, and Serena’s two boobs.
Frenchy greets the doctors with, Hello bitches! Fun fact: Frenchy’s favorite outfit is naked! She tells the doctors she wants 1,ooo cc’s per boob. Dr. Terry explains again and again they don’t make them that big – 800 is the limit. And as for the separation, to sew them closer together, she could get a uni-boob. See patient above. So Dr. Terry tells Frenchy no! Or as they say in French, no!
Kathy comes in for her follow-up visit in her cougar jammies. Why not? I wince just a little (actually a lot) when the bandages are removed. Dr. Paul seems pleased. He predicts a three month recovery. Is that long? Serena is also checking in for her post-op with Dr. Terry and already feels better than she did after her first operation.
At the reveal for Serena she is meeting a few girlfriends at a bar, happy not to wear a turtleneck. The sparkly, raspberry V-neck dress looks great. If normal was what Serena was going for, she achieved it. And bonus: Serena is dating again.
At Kathy’s reveal, she is throwing a big party. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail, she looks refreshed, her makeup is flawless, and her confidence is high as she descends the staircase. Kathy looks beautiful, but she did before, too. However, the nose is a huge improvement, I’ll give her that. Kathy is ready to get the party of life started.
Missed last week’s Random Recap? Check out Hotel Hell here.