The new jewel in E!’s crown is called Famously Single. Sure that jewel is more like a polished pebble stone and I’m pretty sure the original title was D-List Trainwreck, but it’s this week’s Random Recap!
Dr. Darcy has seen it all, so she says. She is a “relationship expert” who works with celebrities and wants to help strip away the famous exterior from these people and show them that they are the problem, not the losers they choose. Let’s meet the participants!
First up is Brandi Glanville. She was fired from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills for her excessive drinking, explosive temper, and vicious tongue. She was married to Eddie Cibrian who dumped her for LeAnn Rimes. She admits to sabotaging relationships because “men can’t keep it in their pants.”
Next up is Jessica White who is a “super model.” She considers herself to be a free spirit and has yet to make it past the 2-year mark with a boyfriend because they tend to bore her past that.
Aubrey O’Day is next. She’s a has-been singer from the band Danity Kane who is now making the rounds on any reality show that will have her. She has a tendency to ignore red flags, but go for it anyway.
Next we meet, Somaya Reece who was on Love & Hip Hop. Chile! It’s hard dating once you become famous. I’m sorry, who are you? Anyway, she tends to get competitive in her relationships and needs help with that. Fun fact: she dates both genders!
Pauly D is best known from Jersey Shore. Who am I kidding, he’s only known for that. He is a self-described “ladies man” but is now ready now to meet that special lady. He is aware that he might be doing something wrong.
Meet Josh Murray who received the final rose with Andi on The Bachelorette. And this might shock you, but the relationship didn’t work out after the cameras went away. Say it isn’t so. He says he’s very picky, but basically, he’s a commitment-phobe.
Up next is Willis McGahee who is a retired NFL football player. His past relationships have ended because he was caught cheating again and again. At least he admits it he’s a sleaze.
Calum Best is a TV personality, model, and entrepreneur from the UK. And he can’t find love because he’s in love with himself. He is famous for being a playboy but is tired of that dreaded label. Somebody call the waaambulance!
Now that you’ve met the D-Listers, let the healing begin. Dr. Darcy starts them off with the exercise of speed dating each other. Brandi says that Calum has banged all her friends, though he vaguely remembers this. And we learn that Willis has 8 kids and 7 baby mamas. Way to uphold that stereotype! Nothing else interesting happens.
Pauly D has the first session with Dr. Darcy. He hasn’t had a real relationship since high school. This dude is now in his 30’s. Pauly doesn’t think he’s ever been in love, because, like he’d know, right? Said the meathead. It’s not like he can’t find a chick, but they just want him for his celebrity. Dr. Darcy tells Pauly he needs a woman, not a girl. Too bad that lucky woman will be getting a boy.
Brandi is already rubbing the girls the wrong way with her trash talk. Jessica is into reading cards, but not with tarot, just regular playing cards, so she’s also probably very good at solitaire. The cards show that Brandi’s ex-boyfriend still thinks about him
only when he’s horny. Yawn.
So the crew goes out to da club for some fun. What they don’t know is there are spies who are part of Dr. Darcy’s team there to observe and mingle. Let the drinking commence! Aubrey tells the girls that Willis has the “largest package” she’s ever seen. Pauly and Somaya are flirting. Willis tells a “woman” he wants to go to bathroom with her and show her some fun. A cute “guy” comes out of nowhere with Champagne and Aubrey is hooked. But then she’s not.
The “woman” then talks to Josh, but he thinks the conversation is too contrived and can’t be bothered to make eye-contact because she recognized him from The Bachelerette. A different random guy wanders into the VIP section and gets relentlessly picked on by Pauly who keeps repeating, “What are those!” about the guys shoes. Somaya tells him to get the eff away from the table. Brandi doesn’t like that and feels bad for the little guy. She protects him like a mama bear.
Outside of da club, Brandi calls out Somaya for being a bitch. After they arguing elevates, these bitches need to be separated. Then they threaten kill each other. And these women can’t find love?! Weird.
Back at the house Brandi tries to squash it, but Somaya kicks her out of her area. Pauly D says this is stupid and to let it go. Somaya says it was the way Brandi snapped her neck that made her get in her face. Brandi needs to watch it. These aren’t the housewives and Somaya will cut a bitch.
So the following morning it’s time for their first group session to discuss last night. Somaya and Brandi learn that they were each trying to protect the little guy from Pauly, through with very different styles. Somaya says she’s used to having security. Brandi says you have to be nice to the commoners.
Dr. Darcy explains that we are all damaged and broken, not just the famous. Whew! I feel better now. Let’s hear more about their damage, rapid fire: Calum says he fell in love with his last girlfriend but it ended because of him. Willis says he has communication problems and is inconsistent. Josh was engaged but they were very different and he prolonged it instead of ending it. Aubrey’s last relationship ended six months ago on Marriage Boot Camp because she didn’t coddle him. Somaya hasn’t been dating for the last 6 months because she is too intimidating. Jessica had a part-time lover in a full-time world and they broke up due to his inconsistency. Brandi is a recycler and doesn’t like to be vulnerable.
Dr. Darcy asks that everyone lean in to the process and comes clean that they’ve already been lab rats. She tells them that the woman and man from da club are Laurel and Robert, professional dating coaches. But we have to tune in next week to see if Robert is the little with the bad shoes.
This show is a trainwreck, so if you’re are into that, it’s for you. Several of the participants hook up and fall for each other. Most just fight. The bottom line is: being famous isn’t easy. Aww. (Insert the violins here.) But we all deserve to be loved. True.