90 Day fiance

Episode 3

We rejoin 90 Day Fiancé with Nicole who is so excited to be in Morocco. She is still amazed that it’s in Africa, y’all. Who knew! There are lots of rules in Morocco like if you aren’t married you can’t be affectionate in public or share a room together. Forget rules! All Nicole cares about is getting it on with Azan. For her, having sex is how you say, I love you. You can tell Nicole is already getting on Azan’s nerves with her neediness and clinginess, and practically sitting in his lap. How do you say hoe in Moroccan?

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Next up is Anfisa and Jorge driving home from the airport sans her luggage. Jorge can’t wait to shove it in the doubter’s faces that Anfisa is for real. And their love is for real. Why else would she have come all the way to America? For the shopping? As if. Don’t forget Jorge has a secret. He hasn’t divulged it yet, and my advice is to do so in Neiman Marcus as Anfisa’s trying on furs, but it has something to do with Jorge living nomad style after being robbed in his house. For now it’s off to the hotel until they find an apartment. Anfisa wants it to be new and wants to decorate it the way she wants to. Got it, Jorge?

90day-sad-anfisa

It’s Matt, Alla and Max’s first morning together. Matt points out this new invention to Alla called a microwave made for “lazy Americans.” Problem is, this lazy American didn’t to the grocery shopping and there’s no food in the house for little Max. Off they go grocery shopping. I’m sure Matt wants this to be something they do together, forever and ever and ever, or until they divorce. Alla is overwhelmed with the amount of apples that don’t look real and all the different food choices. She learns Matt isn’t into fresh vegetables and prefers microwave popcorn.

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So over with Chantel her huge lie, lucky Pedro gets to meet the whole damn fam for the first time for Chantel’s mom’s birthday. Pedro doesn’t speak a lick of English and no one is impressed that the guy never bothered to download Rosetta Stone. We learn through subtitles that Pedro is nervous to meet Chantel’s dad. If only Pedro would pull out a gun, it would almost be like watching an episode of Narcos. Dad asks Pedro what he’s studying with his student visa because obviously it’s not English, but Pedro doesn’t understand. Que student visa? Chantel wants her family to like Pedro before they find out they are lying to them. Great plan, Chantel. Her dad is not happy to learn that on a student visa you can’t get a job. But dad can relax since they are lying and Pedro is really on the K-1 visa. Now he can get a job handing out towels at the local gym!

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Back with Nicole and Azan, we are reveling in their soulmate status as she shares rather proudly they had sex last night. Eww. Today the couple will spend the day seeing Moroccan culture. Nicole is nervous to eat the local food. Hopefully they serve hot dogs and French fries. No, they don’t? Uh-oh. Azan orders the chicken but warns Nicole it might take up to an hour. You see, there is no such thing as fast-food in Morocco, and there is no such thing as fat 22 year-old’s either. But wait, we are on the verge of the couple’s first fight when we learn that Azan wants his fiancé to learn to cook, eat healthy and go to the gym. Nicole is upset that Azan wants her to change. No sweetie. Stay just the way you are. Ignorance is your color.

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It’s date night with Matt, Alla and Max with Matt’s 20-closest friends and family. Alla realizes this is important, but is not ready for the rapid fire questions from Matt’s brothers and their wives. Alla says she doesn’t know what she thinks of America just yet. She doesn’t feel pressured. She’s been married before. She doesn’t need 90 days to decide, she’ ready to marry Matt now. And she has been dreaming about living in America ever since she was a little girl. The family is worried. This will be Matt’s fourth marriage, and at this point, Matt has lost sight of who he is. Matt just wants to be married – to whomever. Alla walks out of the interrogation room in the middle of dinner. You think these two should have stayed in tonight and ordered pizza? Wait until Alla sees that you don’t actually have to make dinner in America. That’ll cheer her up, but for now, she’s in tears. Matt tells the others that for Alla, it’s three in the morning and they need to leave in the middle of dinner. The brothers aren’t sure that Alla is here for Matt. Perhaps, but of the “lovebirds” we’ve met so far, these two have the best shot..

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It’s day three in Morocco and there is a police presence at the hotel. Azan is worried someone has ratted them out for sharing a room. Nicole has to pack up and leave. Turns out the owner of the hotel was in trouble. They find a new place to stay and this time Azan is making Nicole take a separate room. Nicole is surprised that things are different in Africa than they are in America. Not kidding, these words actually came out of her mouth. Azan tells her all they can do in public is hold hands. Not kiss his shoulder. Not hang all over him. Not tell him you love him five hundred times and expect him to say it back.

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Over in Atlanta, Pedro is meeting up with Chantel’s brother River to get a haircut. River is suspicious of Pedro. River tries to ask about living with his sister, but the conversation is stilted and River only learns that his sister doesn’t cook, something he probably already knew. River doesn’t understand how a guy who speaks paquito English would be able to get a student visa. Mmm-hmm, little brother be smart. River tells Pedro to go back to the Dominican, but Pedro doesn’t understand and probably thinks River wants to visit the Dominican. River feels sorry for Pedro the next time his dad meets with him. But we can’t wait!

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Jorge and Anfisa go out by the hotel pool for her first day in America. Onto the business language of love. Jorge doesn’t want Anfisa to work, but Anfisa has dreams of being a model because she wants to be famous and have everyone on the streets spend money on take her picture. For now though, she’ll settle for $10K per month. Jorge chokes on his cocktail. He hopes Anfisa will “outgrow” this gold-digging stage. He’s so funny. Jorge and Anfisa discuss her bad behavior over not getting the Chanel purse and Anfisa threatens to go back to Russia if she doesn’t get her way. And by the way, Anfisa wants to know where her diamond engagement ring is. Jorge, two words for you: cut glass

90day-jorge-poolside

Back in Morocco, the soulmates are going to the market. Even though Nicole knows they can only hold hands, she has her one hand in his and snakes the other hand around his arm all clingy like. They stop at a local vendor and buy napkins and afterwards Azan gets a tongue lashing from Nicole. She told him that when she tries to hug him, he had better not tell her no or push him away. Raise your hand if you think Nicole could wind up in jail. They arrive back at their hotel and Nicole pouts that they can’t be together in the same room. Boo-hoo. She pouts some more and hugs Azan again, but alas he breaks free. In her room Nicole sobs because she is all alone. Boo-hoo. She questions if Azan really loves her or just has a hard time showing it. Poor Azan is going to earn that ticket to America the hard way.

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Tune in next week when Chantel gets drunk and Pedro doesn’t like it, but Ricky can’t ‘splain it to Lucy.

Missed last week’s episode? Check it out here.

RECAP – 90 Day Fiance
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