Welcome back to 90 Day Fiasco! We begin with Anfisa and Jorge who have been together for five weeks. In this amount of time, Anfisa has not learned a damn thing. She won’t can’t cook. She won’t can’t change the litter box. The only thing Anfisa wants to do is strip naked for the camera become a high fashion model. We all know she’s too short, but here’s the thing, it doesn’t matter, Anfisa just wants to be famous. You know like Casey Anthony or Amanda Knox, I don’t think she’s too particular. Jorge contacts a photographer about taking pictures of his fiance, but it’s over his dead body if Anfisa’s poses topless. RIP Jorge.
Up next is Narkyia who will be re-enacting, Say Yes to the Dress, but we’ll call it, Say No to the Hoe. There are many red flags among the white dresses, for starters, her catfishing boyfriend, Lowo from Laos, who fraudulently claimed to be a Nigerian prince, still isn’t in the country. But let’s try on dresses, folks! The first dress can only be described as a “sea of fabric.” Her friends hate it, thank god. The second dress is more understated and elegant, but unfortunately her “girls” aren’t hanging out enough. The third dress is the one. But will the groom be there up to see it?
We are back in the Sahara Desert with the love/hate birds Azan and Nicole. Azan is excited because he has a surprise for Nicole even though she has no respect for his culture. They laugh and have fun around the campfire, clapping and dancing and enjoying the bongo music in the fresh, night air. Azan decides now’s the time to propose. He asks the musicians to stop playing and tells Nicole he can’t live without her, and drops to one knee for all of five seconds and proposes. Nicole says yes! Like she’d give a different answer? It’s time to consummate the relationship…again.
Matt and Alla are down to 31 days before the mandatory wedding. Matt recognizes that Alla is lonely, but oh well. She has no friends and her sister Iryna is back in Russia. They are very close since they don’t have parents. Iryna also has a little boy and is even more beautiful than Alla. Surely there’s a man for her in that town. We learn that Alla doesn’t have a dress or a wedding location, thoug she has always dreamed of a beach wedding when she was little girl playing with her sister. Life would be perfect if her sister could be at her beach wedding.
We are back with Narkyia who is planning the details of her wedding. Lowo will be in the country within five days. Fun fact: Narkyia and her con-artist special man have only spent a total of 9 days together. What could go wrong their future? Lowo calls with bad news. There is a visa delay. Bummer! He has to get some documents like a police report from Viet Nam. This is called a “blessing in disguise” but Narkyia don’t see it. Lowo recommends they move the wedding date because he’s not going to make it unless they can get married by cell phone.
It’s picture day! Anfisa and Jorge are halfway through the K1 visa process and Jorge is looking a little peaked these days. Especially today, Jorge looks like he’s going to have a panic attack at any minute. The photographer immediately realizes Anfisa isn’t tall enough to model, but hey, it’s a paying customer. The transgender make-up artist/couples therapist warns Jorge of the perils of modeling. Hordes of men with bigger wallets will be hitting on Anfisa. There’s a twinkle in Anfisa’s eyes, but Jorge says this isn’t going to happen. These two have trust issues, duh, but Anfisa doesn’t care what Jorge thinks, says or does. Unless it’s buying her stuff, and then she cares. Jorge’s fantasy home life flashes before his eyes when Anfisa steps out in her skivvies. Jorge is sweating profusely, the photographer is ready to get this over with, and the make-up artist simply wants to be Anfisa. Anfisa thinks she is beautiful and doesn’t need photo shop.
We finally see Chantel and Pedro. The happy couple are not happy. Chantel has decided that now is the time for Pedro to tell her parents the truth. Pedro? The guy who can’t string to sentences together unless it benefits him? Chantel gathers her parents and brother in a parking lot because that’s so personal. Pedro tries to say that his fiancé is a liar, but words fail him. Chantel explains that Pedro is there on the K1 visa and they have to get married by Thursday. Chantel’s adorable father adorably says, “This Thursday?” As if next Thursday wouldn’t also be a slap in the face.
It’s a miracle! Suddenly Pedro can speak English. He explains he needs to change his status from immigrant because if he no marry Chantel he no stay in America. After hearing the name of the show is called 90 Day Fiance, Chantel’s dad wonders why she didn’t mentioned, say 50 days ago. Her brother River is pissed. Chantel lied. She betrayed them. At this time, Chantel’s parents are probably considering sending her back to the Dominican Public, but don’t count on River having anything to with Pedro. So, will there be a wedding on Thursday?
Back in Morocco, Nicole is in desert heaven. Or is it desert hell? They have to climb up the big sand hill to get to the camels, but Nicole can’t make it half way up without thinking she’s going to pass out. Azan tells Nicole she’s lazy and needs to work out. He is terrified of coming to American and eating fast food and getting fat with all of us fat Americans At last, the huffing and puffing Nicole makes it to the camels. Azan loves Nicole, but he wants her to change, in this one big little way. Nicole is worried that Azan will wake up one day and realize she’s overweight and want something else. You can count on it, sweetie!
Tune in next week when Alla’s beach dreams are wiped out and Chantel’s brother wants nothing to do Pedro!
Missed last week’s episode? Check it out here.