Welcome to the finale of 90 Day Fiasco! Today is the big day for Anfisa and Jorge. And by big day I mean, biggest disaster that he’ll regret for the rest of his dying days. Jorge has not told his family about the wedding, which speaks volumes. Anfisa doesn’t think the day is a big day because they are just going to the court house and she doesn’t have an expensive ring or dress. Those are things that make a wedding real. Not love. Both are sick of the 90 day pressure and are eager to just get the paperwork over with. Anfisa wants a bigger, expensive wedding at a later date.
On the way to the court house the
miserable two get into an argument about the PVC pipes in the car that are probably stuffed with pot. Anfisa is mad because Jorge didn’t remove them from the car. I wish she’d just smoke a fatty and unwind maybe then the corncob from her ass will fall out and Jorge could have something to nibble on. But Jorge looks happy. Anfisa taunts Jorge that she may not want to stay in America.
Up next is Matt and Alla’s wedding. Matt is concerned that Patrick will ruin the day. Most people wouldn’t invite someone who would ruin their day, but the producers probably forced Matt to invite him. Alla is happy the day is here and her sister Iryna and Patrick’s girlfriend Julie are drinking champagne and getting ready together. Alla is not worried that she is Matt’s fourth wife, but when her sister tells her she’s a “beauty” in Russian she starts to cry. And not exactly happy tears. More like, I’m doing this for my son’s future, tears.
Matt’s mom is beyond excited, though. And best friend but not best man Patrick tells the camera that he may object during the wedding because he doesn’t always do what other people tell him to because he’s so superior and knows all. Alla says she’ll never forgive Matt if he wrecks the wedding. The producers probably are offering a bonus to Patrick if he does.
Across the world in Viet Nam, Lowo and Narkyia are still fighting. She’s caught him in a lie, thanks to his friend who spilled the fried rice about his baby mama. Turns out, he recently tried to get back together with his baby mama, per family pressure. Narkyia has had it. Or has she? He apologizes, but she says she’s tired of the lies. She can’t trust him anymore – though truthfully she never could. Lowo wants to proceed with the K1 90 days and come to America, Narkyia is on the on the fence. She then gets into a van and rides away, not letting Lowo kiss her on the mouth.
Onto the couple voted most likely to fail, Nicole and Azan. Nicole doesn’t have the money or her family’s support to bring Azan to America. Nicole calls Azan and he accepts the call, per his contract. Their conversation is stilted. Nicole breaks the news that she doesn’t make enough money as a barista for the K1 qualifications. Their choices are that she gets a real job and Azan wait two years to come to the States or she finds someone to cosponsor his trip which will likely take two years. Basically, their love won’t survive. He knows it. She’s sort of knows it. But Azan surprises everyone when he says he’ll wait for Nicole. Azan is probably working other angles to come to America, if you know what I mean. Here, let me come out and say it, Nicole oh desperate one, you are being played. The trade off is Azan will have to fill her bottomless pit of constant reassurance. Have fun with that Azan! Next, Nicole wants to know if Azan really, really, really, really, really loves her. After the call Nicole vows to bring Azan to America because nobody ever tells her no.
Back with Matt and Alla. It’s time for the nuptials. The flower girls walk down the aisle, the ring boy, Max, and then Alla is who looks stunning, but nervous, stand before Matt and the pastor. It’s go-time. The pastor asks if anyone has objections or to forever hold their peace. And we go to commercial. They drag this out like you wouldn’t believe, and the pastor asks three times, practically begging someone to speak up, but nobody does. Patrick the wuss backs out. Patrick says he didn’t object because for the first time he saw emotions from Alla. So the wedding goes off without a hitch. Matt is so happy to have his fourth and final wife. (Cough, cough) And Max is so happy to be staying in America. The Ukraine must suck way more!
Narkyia is back in Pennsylvania and she hasn’t been talking to Lowo. She takes her son out for ice cream to break the news he won’t be getting a new daddy. Narkyia doesn’t tell Malcolm what the final lie Lowo was about, just that it was major lie. Malcolm is sad because he really wants someone to toss the ball with and go to the gym with. Malcolm says when people lie, but they care about you, you should forgive them. His mom explains she doesn’t want her son looking up to a loser cad with zero moral character. Malcolm is sad, but supports his mom 100%.
So Anfisa and Jorge are still in the car, heading to the church and she is still taunting him. This time because he doesn’t sound 1000% sure about marrying her. She wants Jorge to put in his vows he will always buy whatever shit whenever she wants it. The finally arrive at the courthouse, alone, with no family or friends. The judge begins the ceremony and Anfisa actually cries and get this, she doesn’t melt. Incredible! They exchange vows. Anfisa’s ring is a simple gold band. No diamonds what so ever. They make out in front of the judge. Eww. Anfisa is disappointed that Jorge didn’t cry like she did, but really she’d be mad if he did. By now we all know Jorge can’t win. Five years from now Anfisa hopes that Jorge will be making much more money and they’ll have a big house in Los Angeles.
Coming up is the two-hour reunion to see how everyone is doing today. Spoiler alert: Azan doesn’t show up and Jorge and Anfisa are still fighting and she walks off the set. Check back in a few hours for the Reunion Recap! And if you’re wondering why TLC dumped 3 hours into one night it’s because next Sunday, the guy with the four wives but only loves one of them, start their show next week.