Breaking News! Learn from the Complaints of Unhappy Husbands
In a recent article from Redbook, the Top 10 complaints unhappy husbands have about their wives were listed to enlighten women on what they were doing wrong. Well, boo-freaking-hoo! Each one of these complaints aren’t exclusive to their gender and can apply both ways, but let’s have an open mind, shall we? With the help of advice columnist Dear Dani, we will deconstruct the complex male brain to determine what the unhappy husbands are really trying to say.
- I wish she’d appreciate me more – Translation: I wish she’d have more sex with me. Let’s face it, it’s not enough to say, “Thanks babe for putting away your clothes that I washed, dried, and folded.” Men need you to show it, too.
- I wish she’d plan a date night once in a while – Translation: I wish she’d have more sex with me. Let’s face it, women almost always are in charge of the couple’s social calendar. In addition to being the planners of date night, wives are also the friend makers/keepers of their social group. So obviously husbands want a sex date night planned.
- I miss having more lighthearted conversations – Translation: I wish she’d have more sex with me. Let’s face it, men aren’t really complaining that all they do is discuss quantum physics or the refugee crisis facing our world. No, they want “lighthearted” conversation that is playful and will lead to sex.
- We aren’t romantic anymore – Translation: I wish she’d have more sex with me. Let’s face it, this is a no brainer. But if you want to throw in sexy lingerie that will only stay on two-seconds, knock yourselves out.
- She tricked me into thinking she was somebody else – Translation: I thought she was someone who liked having lots of sex. Bait-and-switch two-fold. Here’s the thing, she thought you were someone who was going to stop your partying ways, help out around the house, and make some real money, so consider yourselves equally disappointed.
- We need to make more decisions together – Translation: I wish she’d decide to have more sex with me. Lets face it, some wives hand over the to-do list the second her husband walks in the door. All the husband wants is time to decompress from a stressful day. Is it too much to ask for sex and whiskey?
- I don’t feel like her equal – Translation: I wish she’d have more sex with me. Let’s face it, when a woman will turn her man down but the man never turns his woman down, you aren’t her equal and it’s obvious who’s calling the shots. Learn from this.
- We don’t have sex anymore…at all – Translation: I wish we could talk about our feelings more. SIKE! Obviously, the husbands are really saying they want more sex. Duh.
- I feel alone – Translation: He is alone when having sex.
Special thanks to Dear Dani for her help in understanding the complicated male brain. Missed last week’s “Breaking News You Can’t Use?” Check it out here.