What Not to Say to Your Mate – Unless They Totally Deserve It
We all know the saying – sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me – is a complete lie. But did you know there are only seven phrases ruining your relationship? Great news, right? According to the experts at Bride magazine all we need to do is eliminate these sayings from our vocabulary and all our relationship problems will be solved, right? Wrong! Life doesn’t work this way. Some of these saying are required to keep the playing field level. So let’s examine them together, shall we? Here they are in no particular order, the seven phrases we need to (try to) eliminate.
- I’m sorry, but
Duh. This is a no brainer. Anytime there’s a but it’s not an apology. It’s your mate is trying to absolve him or herself and pin it on you. It’s like saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” But, here’s the thing, this phrase is okay to use when it’s not totally your fault. Sometimes there’s enough blame to go around, and therefore sometimes this phrase may be necessary.
- I told you so
Obviously nobody likes a know-it-all. Experts say when this phrase is used it divides a couple and pits them against each other. The best part of being a couple is having someone on your side. But here’s the thing, the eyes are very powerful. They can speak volumes. Sometimes it’s just a matter of staring down your mate to say, “I told you so.” So we will put this in the column of – What Not to Say.
- Calm down
Some statements have the opposite effect. Calm down is one of those statements. This phrase makes your partner feel unjustified in his or her feelings, belittles their perception and creates a power balance…use it wisely.
- I’m fine
Finally a phrase we can all agree with! When your partner says they are fine, they are not fine. Especially when it’s said with a quick, sharp tone. When you say these two words it means you want your mate to guess what’s wrong with you in order to prove his love. Here’s the thing, some days you just don’t have the energy to “talk about your feelings.” Then it’s okay so say these two words but try to say it like you mean it.
- You’re just like
Yikes! You’re a damn fool if you use this phrase. Nobody wants to be compared to an ex – unless they’re saying you are way more beautiful than the ex, but this is not that. Pointing out negative similarities is cruel. And you don’t want to go there, unless you’re drinking and they won’t remember it the next morning.
- You always
Puh-lease. Never say never and never say always. These are definitely words that should be eliminated from conversations with everyone, not just your partner. Why? This is a sure fire way to escalate the argument because it’s simply not true and now you sound unreasonable. Here’s the thing, unless you want to say something positive like, “You always remember my favorite brand of Vodka” or “you never forget when the football game is on.” I think we can all agree to put this in the – Do Not Say column.
- Yeah well, three years ago
Often times you can’t resist trying to turn the tables on your better half and remind them of a screw up from their past, however it’s a no-win situation. Experts say it’s an attack and kicks your partner’s defensiveness into high gear. Furthermore, whatever you two were fighting about is out the window and will not be addressed because you two are now stuck in the past. Great job losers, but here’s the thing, sometimes your mate is being a hypocrite and you need to point out the commonalities between the two incidents.
So there you go. Now you know what to avoid or what to use only when necessary. Hopefully your relationship will see vast improvements over the upcoming weeks. And if you mate doesn’t notice the improvement, because he or she always takes forever to notice these things, just like your ex from three years ago, gently remind him that you told him so.