Below DeckEpisode 3 

Jesus Saves

Ahoy, maties! We return to Below Deck exactly where we left off and that is with the white Chris Brown taking a nap. Poor guy, can’t handle is alcohol. But this is making Bruno look better by the second. Nico wakes him up and tells Chris this was his one and only time to slack. Of course, Capt. Lee may feel differently.

The crew is busy at work for the next charter guests, but since Jen and Brianna are so green, Kate has hired day workers so she can give the girls a crash course in how to be a maid. For example, the washers and dryers should be running at all times, drinks should be made quickly, the napkins should be folded like such, the ironing should be on the highest steam setting. Briana thinks this whole thing is silly because she’s worked on one boat before.

It’s meeting time to discuss the upcoming charter guests. John, a restaurant owner, is bringing five of his sassiest buddies and they are into water sports, Gemini’s and mucho Tequila. Also, they want sushi for their first night because everyone knows how to prepare sushi – except Matt.

Tonight Capt. Lee and Kate are channeling their worst charter guests for additional training for Jen and Briana. Kate is also channeling her worst southern accent. It takes 20 minutes to get a Cosmo. Hell, I could have walked to the bar and bought a Cosmo faster. Jen is feeling belittled, but it’s clear that Brianna has more experience, however she makes the mistake of serving Capt. Lee before Kate. Ladies first, Brianna. The constructive criticism is to make drinks faster and never serve food with your bare hand – like Jen did with a dinner roll. Eww.

Kate has met a man named Morton, but he’s dubbed as Hot Jesus. Matt is struggling to make sushi. Capt. Lee can’t move the boat from the dock because his first mate is sick. The plan is to lie to the charter guests that they can’t leave due to “mechanical difficulties.”

The sassy male charter guests arrive and hear the bad news that they can’t leave. Champagne helps sooth this over. Snacks are served as Matt is gazing at a cook book called: The ABC’s of Sushi. This makes Kate very nervous. Nico tells the guys they can Jet Ski and ski bob to pass the time away. The good news, the guys love lunch. Bad news, the guys aren’t buying the “mechanical difficulties” story.

Kate is really nervous about tonight’s sushi dinner so she wisely asks Bruno to be the human platter. Bruno will do anything to keep his job so he says yes. His body is rock hard. It’s like appetizer and dessert and in one. The sushi is a hit! With the charter guests and the crew.

Kate is off for a rendezvous with Hot Jesus leaving Jen and Brianna behind to handle the guests because it’s a “sign from God.” Meanwhile the charter guests are getting Dee-runk! Good think they are docked because if they encountered rough seas these guys would be hanging over the side making chum. While Kate is getting her groove on, Jen is contemplating throwing her under the boat because she’s not supposed to leave. Finally the guests pass out around 1:00am. One guy had to be dragged to bed. Kate sneaks back in at 4:00am. Did she drink the holy water? She’s says no, but her smile says yes.

A new first mate has finally arrived and the Valor can finally get it’s “mechanical difficulties” solved. This time around the crew gets the dingy into the water without bumping it into the yacht. Jen is trying to get Kate to talk about her time with Hot Jesus but all Kate will say is his mast didn’t rise. Then why stay until 4:00am? Does this make Kate bi? Or was her dip in the lady pond a one and done? Some many questions, so little time.

Matt the chef had planned to pair tequila with eggplant, but the guests say, Like that’s so totally gross. He changes it to red snapper and the guests give two thumbs up. Capt. Lee thinks Bruno is coming along, Baker gets flustered, and the white Chris Brown is lost, but boy does he know his booze. Kate insults Jen in front of the guests by saying “she sucks at her job but boy is she funny.” This pisses Jenn off. Or maybe there’s some sexual tension brewing? Who knows.

It’s the last day of the charter and the crew is ready to party. They are expecting a smaller tip, and who can blame them, one day was spent at the dock. Capt. Lee gives the update that some improvement has occurred, and some has not. He tells the crew they have the night off and don’t even think about taking a nap the following day or pack your bags. The tip was $17,000 – which is $2,000 more than last week. Wowza.

It’s time to party! The crew goes out and Brianna falls down before having one drink. Everyone is dancing, but Jen is totally getting her drink on. And on. And on. Here comes Hot Jesus with his satchel and sandals. And get this, he doesn’t prefer wine, he prefers beer. Chris is still hoping to hook up with Brianna but it’s not going to happen. And from the bathroom, Jen is whining for Kate from the bar bathroom to help her. She’s going to feel it tomorrow.

Tune in next time when Matt tries to cook something up with Brianna and the crew nearly wrecks the Valor.

Missed last week’s Below Deck? Check it out here.

RECAP: Below Deck – Epi 3 “Jesus Saves”
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