King Come-on-I Wanna-Lay-Ya
Ahoy mates! We join Below Deck on a very windy day and rough seas. Since the Valor is stuck at the dock, EJ decides this is the perfect time to tell Capt. Lee he’s quitting after this charter. Capt. Lee thanks EJ for his help even though the crew still isn’t up to par, but what are you gonna do?
Capt. Lee calls a meeting with Kate, EJ, Nico and Matt to go over the wishes and desires of the new charter guests. They’re sort of an eclectic bunch and want theme parties and lavish meals. Two of the guests own a restaurant with their famous father, jazz musician, Herb Albert. The crew has no idea who this is, but it’s imperative the food be spot on.
Clueless Jenn can’t take the never-ending laundry and cleaning schedule. I’m not sure what she signed up for, but it wasn’t to sit on her laurels, so girl, get it together. Capt. Lee and Nico tender out to see if they can leave the dock, but they can’t due to the nine-foot swells. Nobody wants to lose five pounds this way, but these folks are from Los Angeles, so maybe they do. Tragedy strikes when Nico injures himself on the tender by hitting his funny bone, and he ain’t laughing. He calls for help and leaves for the hospital.
When Nico returns with his wrist in a sling, he goes to see Capt. Lee and explains he has nerve damage and will be as useful as a one-armed paper hanger on pain meds. Woo-hoo, man. The charter guests arrive and they are ready to par-tay, until they hear the bad news about being grounded. Here’s what they say, “That sucks. That really, really sucks. Did you know it sucks?” Until guest Charlie meets stud Bruno and suddenly things don’t suck – or will they, wink, wink?
EJ tells the guests even though it’s rough, they can jet ski and hover board and go to a nearby beach. Bruno is getting on Kate’s last nerve insinuating the interior needs to up their game because he’s so perfect. He advises the ladies to communicate better, said the guy who can barely speak English. After spending a day at the beach, the guests return to the yacht and Jenn is there to greet them with shots. Tonight they’re going to party like it’s 1982.
For dinner, Matt is preparing the best salmon ever for one of the main guests. But guess what? She hates the best salmon ever because it isn’t. Plus she’s horrified and a little pissed that Matt has now served fish twice in one day. Imagine that, being in the Caribbean and this shmuck chef has the nerve to serve seafood twice. But everything is better when Bruno arrives in 1982 without a shirt. The guests harmlessly dance the night away and go to bed at 1:30am.
Nico is still useless and getting served breakfast in bed by Briana. Capt. Lee would like to smash his elbow, or his head, into the boat, but instead tenders out with a few of the guests to prove they don’t want to launch the boat and become chum buddies. Capt. Lee makes sure they are soaked and begging to go back to the yacht. Hello dock. Goodbye tip.
Kate is working her butt off trying to make sure this charter isn’t a total flop, so she takes the guests shopping and on an underwater sea trek. Capt. Lee tells EJ and Kate they’ve got to do whatever they can to make tonight’s party over the top. The plan is to luau, but Matt’s never done a luau, or been to a luau, so besides pineapples, he’s clueless. Dude, get a pig and an apple. It’s not rocket science.
EJ breaks the news to Baker that as soon as the charter ends, he’s out of there. I get the feeling he’s still on the fence with his feelings for Baker, but I’m sure EJ thinks a goodbye lay would be cool beans. Across the yacht, Jenn is just hanging out, eating clams while Brianna is doing all the work. After the third request for Jenn to get her lazy ass back to work, these calm waters churn into a frenzy and two start fighting yet again.
Kate comes back from her day of non-stop waiting on the guests, to find the laundry stacked up. She’s pissed but takes it out on Brianna because she sees her first. The deck hands aren’t struggling without Nico, but when you’re tied to a dock, things aren’t too challenging. The real troopers of the day are the charter guests. They deserve a trophy and some more Tequila for their bad luck.
The upstairs deck is decorated for the luau, but Bruno is being a little bitch about it. He’s mad that there aren’t any candles. Every luau has candles. Duh. And Kate gets both sides of the story from Jenn then Brianna and believes Bri because her description of the fight isn’t as theatrical. But the ribs are to die for, so kudos to Matt for at least getting the right animal for the meal. And Bruno shares with Kate how to do her job better, which is just asking to be thrown overboard. Kate tells Bruno to be sure and tell Capt. Lee because he’d surely find Bruno’s input fascinating.
The biggest treat of the night is seeing Capt. Lee in full costume as the brother of Don Ho, Ass Ho, but they can call him Captain Come-on-I-Wanna-Lay-Ya. He announces one of the guest’s birthday and brings out the hula dancers. I mean, if you’re going to be stuck on a yacht, tied to a dock, this is the way to do it.
Bruno serves the cake and helps himself to a piece of humble pie as he realizes Kate actually knows her shit. As punishment to Jenn, Kate tells her she’s on Cinderella-duty and must clean all of the dishes before she can go to bed. If Kate’s pushing Jenn to quit, she’s on track, but guess who’ll be doing all the laundry? Brianna! Jenn calls Kate sadistic and says she hates her life. Then GO HOME JENN! Be with your daughter. You’re too young to be so bitter.
Tune in next week when Capt. Lee’s wife comes on board and we meet the new/old deck hand.
Missed last week’s episode of Below Deck? Check it out here.