Only Doing It for the Money
We return to Below Deck, late at night, with Jen still on Cinderella-duty, only no birds or squirrels are there to assist. Brianna takes a quick a break to laugh about it with Nico who is still on pain meds and useless. Eventually, Brianna takes pity on Jen, who is basically getting in the way, and sends her to bed. Upstairs EJ ad Baker have a last snuggle on the bunny pad before he leaves. Do they or don’t they? They don’t!
The following morning is the last day for the charter guests who were docked for the entire cruise. Guess what? The waters have settled and Capt. Lee decides to take the boat out for the last few hours. Oh joy. Jen is late to work because she doesn’t feel well. Boo-hoo, girl. GO HOME!
Now that EJ is about to leave, Nico has a come-to-Jesus moment and realizes he’s been a dick to him. Things are running smoother now and he has EJ to thank – though he will never will. Matt is not having a good cruise, though. The charter guests think his eggs benedicts are bland, and who serves fish twice in one day? So before they exit, they take one last pot-shot at the food, and it’s not from the primary guests. Those two split without so much as a fuck you. The guests delivering the bad news say if this had been her restaurant a lot of things would have been sent back. Hello? Way to wait to the end to speak up. Sail la vie.
Capt. Lee calls a meeting and says he was surprised by the slam on the food. You can bet he’ll be keeping closer tabs on Matt. The tip is only $15,000, the lowest this season. Bummer! Mother Nature must be trying to send them a message – like cut out the petty shit. Capt. Lee announces that EJ is leaving for good in a few hours. Nico can barely contain his exuberance. Capt. Lee makes another announcement, his wife will be joining him for a quickie. Won’t this be interesting! But this only makes Jen sad because everyone one is getting some on the side, even the old-guy captain, and not her. Boo-hoo. Why is life so unfair?
EJ gives goodbye hugs to the crew on his way out the door and Nico’s arm suddenly feels so much better he doesn’t need the sling anymore. It’s a miracle! EJ thinks that someday Nico might be an excellent bosun if he grows the fuck up.
Capt. Lee calls a meeting to go over the likes and dislikes of the next charter guests. It will be 8 women who want the ultimate girls’ cruise. Hopefully they say woo-hoo a lot because we all know how much Capt. Lee loves that. He tells Matt to up his food game and announces another deck hand will be joining the crew.
Capt. Lee’s wife Mary Anne arrives and they are very happy to see each other. They’ve been married 42 years, have 5 kids, and met in high school. Meanwhile, Jen thinks Kate is being a big, bad meanie, but uses the word “abusive boss” which are fighting words.
So tonight the crew is going to dinner and must be on their best behavior because Capt. Lee and Mary Anne will be joining them. They are asked by Jen how the two met and Capt. Lee rolls his eyes. Turns out, Capt. Lee doesn’t remember the first time he met his future wife. Oopsie. But Capt. Lee remembers meeting her the second time and it was smooth sailing form there. Nico and Brianna leave like five seconds after dinner so they can go have sex in a hotel room. Jen slathers the now-gone EJ with compliments on his non-replicating leadership skills. But all in all it was a success because none of the crew got stinking drunk – damnit.
Capt. Lee says goodbye to his wife as the crew prepares for the next charter guests. The new crew mate arrives and it’s someone from their past, Kyle, the cockney Brit from last season. Thankfully he comes with sub titles because he’s kind of hard to understand. The good news is Jen is thinking she might get some which would hopefully take her bitterness down a notch.
The women arrive and are ready to pray and party, in that order. They are given a tour by Kate and she’s wondering if this cruise will be super-fun or super-high-maintenance. Bring on the Jesus juice and let’s find out. It only takes a few seconds to learn they will be the latter when one of the guests ask Nico to take off his shirt. And then she does a split for Nico. Hard to resist, but somehow Nico manages.
Exciting news, we learn the Bruno swings both ways. It’s not about gender to him, it’s about what he feels. Kyle was able to pull this information out of him in all of five minutes while asking about Jen. I’m thinking Jen may have some competition with Bruno for Kyle’s attention.
As the crew get things ready for tonight’s carnival dinner, Kate and Jen come to a boiling point in the galley. Kate asks if Jen was popular, in kind of a snarky tone, and Jen says she hasn’t been whoring around as long as Kate. Again, them are fighting words. Kate replies, “How old’s your daughter?” Matt and Bruno can’t believe their ears and worry the girls’ toxicity will poison their food creations because they are making magic happen.
Jen pulls Kate aside to tell her the comment was a low blow. The two talk over each other and eventually Jen gets louder and tells Kate she’s a miserable person, said the bitter girl. Jen explains this comment is friend to friend, so isn’t Kate lucky to have a friend like Jen. Who’s ready for Jen to walk the plank?
In the kitchen Matt is getting plating advice from Bruno and Capt. Lee doesn’t like it. He wants the chef to figure it out for himself. The women enjoy dinner, do some shots, and watch an acrobatic dancer hanging from a hula-hoop. The guests are super happy, not too wild (yet), and go to bed around eleven o’clock.
Speaking of going to bed, Kyle is putting the moves on Jen and asks her out on a date, promising she’ll be treated right. Spoiler alert: it’s going to be a disaster. Yay! Capt. Lee calls a quick meeting with Kate to express his concerns with Bruno helping out Matt too much. Next, Capt. Lee calls Nico to tell him to keep Bruno out of the galley and have him do the job he was hired to do.
The Valor is en route to St. Martin and Kate and Jen get into another argument because Jen got the facts wrong about their fight last night. Jen said she was sticking up for herself when her boss called her a whore – which did not happen. It was Jen who implied that Kate was a whore. And Nico breaks the news to Bruno he is being pulled from the galley. Now we’ve got two sad crew members.
Tune in next week to see if Matt gets his shit together, the special guest hit on Capt. Lee, and Jen get shitfaced. High times on the good seas.
Missed last week’s episode of Below Deck? Check it out here.