Below Deck

Episode 13 

The One Where Jen Loses Her Mind

Welcome back to Below Deck! We are smack dab in the middle of Jen’s drunken meltdown, so break out the popcorn. Bruno and Jen are tussling over his desire to lock Jen in the bathroom. Nico comes out to tell everyone to STFU and go to bed. The good news is Kyle is still willing to bang Jen because he’ll bang anyone/anything.

The following morning Jen gets up on time for once and puts on gobs of make up because that will make everything all better. But enough about her because we have charter guests to prepare for who are arriving via “alternative water craft.” Last time the same guest arrived it was by helicopter, so he’s desperate to do something bigger/better/faster because obviously his parents ignored him as a child.

Kate calls a meeting with Jen and Brianna. She tells them that Capt. Lee only has two rules and they are don’t embarrass yourself and don’t embarrass the boat. Get real, Kate. That rule was broken in season one. Kate gives Jen the option of quitting or staying for this last charter – though she will be treated like an indentured servant. Jen tries to protest, but Kate explains the only words coming out of her both better be, “How may I help.” This is not a conversation, this is a tongue-lashing. So will Jen stay on for the last charter? Of course she will. Camera time, baby.

Baker and Bruno forgive Jen, but to rub in the humiliation a little more, Brianna is given a promotion and new stripes. Jen calls Kate a miserable bitch under her breath when she won’t open the door for. Perhaps Jen should try something else like teaching. Just kidding, she’d suck at that.

Even though the Valor is docked, the crew must undock so the new charter guests can make their entrance. This better be exciting for all the hype it’s creating. But it’s an epic fail! They arrive via Jet ski. Ooooh, how dangerous. The champagne is handed out and the primary guest, Timothy, tells Capt. Lee the boat looks good and he’s proud of him. Capt. Lee thinks Timothy is a “condescending little prick who could benefit from a treadmill.”

During a break, Nico calls his ex-girlfriend Melissa to tell her he’ll be home soon. Poor Brianna. Girl got used. Nico realizes he screwed up, but there’s enough blame to go around. Brianna knew Nico had a girlfriend and was still grieving the loss of his little brother. Those are called red flags. But Brianna did get that promotion, so this season wasn’t a total loss. Meanwhile, Jen won’t shut up about having to actually work.

Timothy wanders into the galley to see what’s cooking with Matt. He likes what he hears, and Timothy’s only request is lobster chunks in the bisque. Matt says no problem. The only problem is no dependable Wi-Fi, so Kate recommends a beach that has Wi-Fi and cocktails – the perfect combination.

Lunch is served and it’s snapper with a smile. Everyone seems to like their fish looking back at them. The deckhands start setting up the water toys, but there’s an accident. The rope catches Bruno’s leg and gives him one hell of a rope burn that strips his tan. Ouchie wa-wa! He’s in all kinds of pain. No sympathy from Capt. Lee, though. He’s surprised something didn’t happen sooner. Downstairs Cinderella is upset that everyone thinks she’s better than she is. Hey Jen, they are.

Baker and Nico have a heart to heart waiting to pick up the charter guests. Nico confesses he doesn’t know what will happen after the charter with Brianna – but we do. Its anchors away as Matt sails off into the sunset without her. Back on the Valor, Matt is all excited about the meal he’s making. First up, ceviche, then golden beet salad, then miso glazed salmon, then steak tartar, and then for dessert, sorbet served in a coconuts. But guess what? The guests are still hungry. Matt whips up beef tenderloin and they are happy. This is the hardest Matt’s worked all season long and it should count for something.

Downstairs, Kyle is caught sleeping on the job. Kate tells him if he needs to sleep on his break, go to his cabin, Dipshit. You don’t sleep in the common areas for the crew. Kyle thinks Kate is a bitch, but guess what, he’d still like to bang her because he’ll bang anyone/anything.

Here’s the thing about burns, they get worse before they get better, and Bruno’s leg is dis-gus-ting. Speaking of burns, Brianna tells Matt about her plans after the charter season ends is to hang out with Nico one of the islands. I smell a heartbreak stewing. Maybe Matt can whip something up as the rebound guy. Kate is super-busy planning the season finale carnival for the guests that involve a clown and balloon animals. Won’t that be weird? Kate is very annoyed by the site of Kyle – who is only turned on more by her feistiness. It’s not going to happen, mate.

Jen gets a call from her daughter who tells her she’s been crying every day because she misses her mommy. Aww. What is Jen doing? This is so not worth being away from her kid. Hopefully Jen has learned this lesson – especially since she’s learned nothing else. Timothy wanders into the galley again to talk logistics about tonight’s last meal. He wants as much seafood as possible and goggles for the champagne fight. Yes, you read that right. He wants a champagne fight. Timothy will be wasting 72 bottles of champagne to spray his guests and the crew. What a jerk. Does he not realize there are people in third world countries who need champagne?

Baker and Nico have another pow-wow. Nico says he’s going back home after this last charter so he can stop “running from his problems.” How cavalier of him. Meanwhile, Kate and Kyle have it out as she tries to stack champagne glasses. Actually it’s just Kate who has it out. Kyle just sits there, dreaming of how he’d like to bang Kate.

Tune in next week for the season finale and to see Nico dump Brianna. Hopefully she tosses her martini in his face.

Missed last week’s Below Deck? Check it out here.

RECAP: Below Deck – Epi 13 “The One Where Jen Loses Her Mind”
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