The Champagne Campaign
Welcome to the season finale of Below Deck! Yay, they made it without sinking the Valor (though they did have one deck crash)! Kate and Kyle are still arguing over who’s the lazy one and who’s the difficult one. Pot meet bong. Kyle concedes because he’s still hoping to bang Kate. Meanwhile, Nico is anxious for this last charter to be over so he can go home – though he has yet to inform Brianna, who thinks they are just like a married couple about to divorce.
The guests are reluctantly getting a tour of the entire boat by Nico. The guys want to see how big the generator is. Men and size. Why? Matt is trying to kick things up a notch with the last supper and the crew is getting dressed to pull off a carnival to remember – except Jen who is taking her sweet time getting ready. The good news is she’s a mime so we don’t have to hear from her.
The food is a hit, but Matt has to clear the plates because Jen is still getting ready. Too bad she doesn’t put this kind of detail into her personality. Finally Jen arrives and it’s time for the fireworks, which should be part of every reality TV finale. Then a pie fight and then a champagne fight because Timothy is a child. The crew has been instructed to be involved – except Capt. Lee – who says Timothy has a better chance of seeing God twice. Right afterwards the guests go to bed, but it will be a late night for the crew because the boat is trashed.
Speaking of trash, Nico still needs to tell Brianna that just like the season of Below Deck, they are over. And Kate says when the last charter guests leave it’s better than sex on Christmas day. I think we now know why she’s so uptight. And guess what? Jen over slept yet again the following morning. How in the hell does Jen think she’s the hardest working crew member? She’s metal. Sign the 5150.
It’s time to dock the Valor for the last time. Hooray, no one gets hurt and no docks were cashed. Now it’s time to say goodbye to the guests. Timothy wasn’t nearly as obnoxious as I would have liked Kate predicted. He gives a speech and tells Capt. Lee he is like fine wine and Kate needs to smile more. Condescending, but true on both counts.
Kate calls a final meeting with Brianna and Jen and she’s serving champagne! Why would anything go wrong? After a few sips, Jen informs the ladies how frustrating it was for her because she felt like she had two bosses. Jen totally forgets she was not just green, but bright green. Brianna had some experience. When it’s pointed out that Jen is always late, she deflects by saying Kate and Brianna took lots of breaks. Victim much? Kate tells Jen to go home to her glass house because she’s not a yachtie.
Capt. Lee calls the final meeting to hand out tips. He declares the last charter as the best, too bad they couldn’t achieve this cohesion sooner. Capt. Lee gives Nico an envelope. Bosun stripes! He finally made it. And the tip was the highest ever this season at $30K or $2,720 per person. Now let’s flip the boat and go get drunk!
The gang goes to Fort Louis to toast the season. Nico reflects on how much he misses his little brother to Bruno – not Brianna. They gang goes back to the boat to get ready for dinner and Brianna is (hallelujah at last) picking up on how things have cooled between her and Nico. Dinner is set up beachside and spirits are high. Until Nico asks Brianna to step away with him so
he can dump her they can talk.
Nico begins with, “Obviously I would like to hang out with you, but…” He is a selfish jerk who only cares about his own needs so you got used in the process, girlfriend. Brianna is super cool about it – though I wish she wasn’t. Throw a drink in his face. Tell him his actions have consequences. Something. Instead, Brianna hugs Nico and thanks him for sharing his need to put himself his family first. After dinner, Brianna tells Kate she was ditched by Nico. Kate is cool, but I know she wants to say, Duh. Brianna daces around the fire like a girl who doesn’t have any worries in the world. Look at me everyone, I’m so happy! So happy.
Jen decides she needs more airtime closure with Kate. You see, somewhere along the line Jen learned she’s a princess and should be treated as such. Kate explains that she doesn’t have time to hold her hand. The end. Go home. Buh-bye.
The following morning everyone packs and gets ready to say goodbye. Nico shows more emotion to Bruno then he did last night with Brianna. Kyle leaves wishing he would have been able to bang somebody. Matt says see ya to Kate, but she doesn’t think he’s meant to be a yachting chef because he’s too nice. Apparently assholes make better yacht chefs. Baker says goodbye. She’s
forgettable ready to spend some money and return to her RV life.
Kate and Jen hug it out, but neither want to work together again. Brianna and Jen say goodbye and agree this season was cray cray. It’s time for Brianna to say goodbye to Nico. He tells her “it was nice connecting and spending time with you.” What every girl dreams of hearing. My guess is that Nico may have been able to smooth things over with his girlfriend when he got home – until she watched this season. Thing are probably not going so well for him right this second.
Kate tells Capt. Lee goodbye and says things weren’t completely horrible this season like they were in the beginning. Of course that’s not exactly true. The Valor was damaged, Nico went to the clinic, and Bruno burned the shit out of his leg, but nobody lost their lives, so that’s good.
There is an additional clip at the end, added three months later, with Capt. Lee discussing Hurricane Maria and the havoc it wreaked on the Caribbean islands. He says their thoughts and prayers go out to everyone effected by the hurricane. A sentiment shared by all. Hope you guys enjoyed the Below Deck recaps. Check back soon to see what I’m recapping next!
Missed last week’s episode? Check it out here.