You Are Enough, So Shut Up Already
Ever meet someone who is so great, you think, what do I have to offer? Here they are saving the world, jet-setting through life, making a real difference, while you barely schlep yourself to a job you hate every day.
It can be pretty tempting to write this person off because you’re judging yourself too harshly – and won’t stop talking about your short-comings to friends in the hopes they’ll say something nice. But have faith because researchers have discovered it’s “normal” to feel this way on occasion.
“The idea for this study came to me after a dozen or so beauty pageant contestants shot me down over the course of a few months,” explained the lead scientist. “You have no idea how good it feels to be normal.”
The study revealed three reasons why we compare ourselves to others, especially when it comes to romantic interests, and explains why we are enough. The first reason has to do with an exchange-oriented mindset. This can be a prescription for a toxic relationship. When you think of your relationship as an exchange, you turn it into a business transaction, and when this occurs you tend to second-guess your true value.
“Not to mention it’s downright shallow,” explained a participant in the study. “It’s true, I prefer men with money and a fast cars, but now that I realize my (ahem) commodities are fading with time, I’m starting to appreciate things like kindness, wisdom, and zero debt.”
Secondly, understand that you don’t have to “offer” anything. Period. Your qualities will come out and the other person will either respond to them or not. Not everyone clicks. And if you think you need to prove yourself in grandiose ways like always bringing gifts or paying for meals or cleaning their house to justify being in their life, you are setting an exhausting precedence. And though there should always be give and take in a relationship, it’s best not to attach a currency to things.
“Unless that currency is cold hard cash,” explained a scientist. “Of course then it’s a very different relationship, but one that keeps my mother from trying to set me up with her friends’ daughters.”
And thirdly, don’t let outsiders judge the value of the relationship. This is strictly between you and the other person. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. Some people value honesty more than perfect breasts or courage more than having a cool job. Sometimes we become bored with ourselves and that’s why it’s good to get out, other people may find us fascinating. The point is, shut up and put yourself out there.
“That settles it!” said a different participant. “I’m joining Tinder today. Just to be on the safe side, I’m using a picture from five years ago and will say that my career as a model is winding down. I’ll worry about proving myself when we have an actual date.”
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