Woman in Mirror

In today’s culture, certain buzz words get picked up and tossed around like a Cobb salad. So what is narcissism, anyway? Basically any person who has an excessive interest or admiration of themselves. But is it wrong to care about our well-being or is it possible to cross the line from healthy to sociopath without noticing? It’s reported that 1 in 25 are narcissists, but the real question is, am I one of them. Here are the top ten traits that excessively vain people (EVP) have in common.

You like to be the center of attention – They dominate conversations and are comfortable with all eyes on them. Natural storytellers who spin extra yarn for their audience, they don’t mind little white lies if it adds to the excitement. What’s really going on is an “intolerable fear” they aren’t good enough.

Whew. This is a big, hell no for me. I do not like being the center of attention. It’s why I don’t do stand-up comedy. I prefer to make fun of people from the safety of my home.

You detest waiting in line – Narcissists get frustrated easily and are often unable to contain body signs like repeated sighing and shifting their weight from one foot to the other. They feel they deserve special treatment and the world revolves around them.

For real? This qualifies me as a narcissist because I “detest” waiting in line? Does anyone love waiting in line? And is it just me, but does the line you pick always move the slowest? This one time, at the grocery store, a woman was bickering over a $1.00 coupon she was owed for the 10 bottles of soda in her cart. It went on and on. Finally, I offered to pay the $1.00 difference, and though the cashier and manager seemed appreciative, the woman was not. In fact she became more agitated. And here I thought I was solving a problem. Some people have zero respect.

You have a habit of giving (unsolicited) advice – The narcissist thinks they are only being helpful, spreading their vast knowledge of many topics, but they really are only trying to display they are the smartest person in the room. Unfortunately they have no clue they are “bolstering” their “inflated sense of self.”

So when a friend is venting about her husband, I’m just supposed to sit there? Isn’t that why they’re telling me everything in the first place? Because of my great unsolicited advice? Fine. I won’t offer anymore. Now my great, unsolicited advice will go to waste. Are you happy?

You know how to turn on the charm – When it comes to making others feels important, the narcissists are king of this trait. And it’s not for nothing. Something will be expected in return. And if it isn’t, the compliments will soon turn to criticism.

Okay, so everyone in the south is a narcissist, is that what this means? Don’t hate me because I was raised with manners and the know-how to use those manners to my advantage. Excuse me for not being raised by wolves.

Your ambition knows no bounds – The grandiosity assumption of what their life should/will be like includes celebrity, perhaps a reality show, to achieve their greatness.  They tend to believe they are naturally special.

I thought ambition was a good thing? Being entitled and assuming you will be famous without any real effort isn’t logical. Even the kids of famous people have to work hard to achieve fame. But it’s true. Not everyone is as special as some of us.

You are the competitive type – The world is often viewed in black and white terms of only two groups, the winners and the losers. Golf, tennis, poker, monopoly, bingo at your G-ma’s church, the narcissist only sees one option. Even at the expense of friends and loved ones.

What is the point of playing monopoly if you aren’t going to buy all the property you land on, place homes on said property, convert those homes to apartments and force your friends and loved ones to go bankrupt? I’m not sure I really understand this “trait.”

You’re famous for holding grudges – Constructive criticism feels like a vicious assault. And the narissist will never forget who, what, when and where this occurred for as long as they live.

I begrudge the use of the word, famous. I’m not famous, just very well-known.

It’s never your fault – The narcissist has difficulty admitting when they are wrong or owning up to their mistakes. If it is their fault, it was usually someone else’s fault first, like how you drank too much because of them.  This overlaps with the win/lose mentality.

Not true. I have been wrong in the past. I don’t expect it to happen again in the future, but it has occurred once or twice in my life. (Probably just once.)

You take advantage of people – This may not be intentional by the narcissist, but they do look at a situation of “what’s in it for me.” A lack of empathy is involved, but not typically enough to push them into the category of a psychopath.

Okay, this one just pisses me off. Are people really taken advantage of or is it they just want to give their time, money, fabulous wardrobe or vacation homes? Sometimes it’s not always about my journey, but the other person’s journey as well. I like to think I’m just being a good friend.

You have an addiction – They need to be reassured of their greatness constantly and turn to reassurances like shopping, plastic surgery, alcohol and drugs. When the “high” wears off they are already on the hunt for the next fix.

Duh. Obviously, I have an addiction to personality assessments. Why else would I have bothered with this study? I have very important errands to run today. Very important. And when I’m done, I’ll be looking for more of my self-esteem in a magazine.

Uh-oh. According to this study, I might be a narcissist. Are you one, too?
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