New cat

Chalk one up to dog lovers! Did you know that domesticated cats carry viruses linked to mental illness? Scientist and psychiatrists, like E. Fuller Torrey, have been studying the connection between the two and have found exciting results. According to Torrey’s book, The Invisible Plague, around the year 1808, schizophrenia went from being an obscure disease to something as common as the flu. During this same time frame, cat ownership rose in population across America. According to the “experts” this is no accident


You should know, cats have been implicated in several illnesses besides schizophrenia, including deafness, seizures, retinal damage, and unwound balls of yarn, all due to the toxoplasmosis gondii cats transmit. But how can the cat be a quiet killer when they are so fun to watch on the internet?

Sally Hester, admitted dog lover, attended the conference where this new development in  the health world was revealed. “I’m not someone who throws around the word, crazy. But my aunt has eleven cats. This makes perfect sense now.”

The peak age to show signs of infection from taxoplasmicity is the same age range for signs of schizophrenia. Coincidence? Feline infections can strike in utero as well as children and teens. But the conference wasn’t all doom and gloom. There were helpful tips on how to combat this virus by banning all sandboxes which can be used as litter boxes for up twenty-four cats. Yuck!

One of  the “experts“ explained, “How do you think we managed to get so many feline samples? We collected both public and private. Most of the time it’s hard to obtain such a vast control group. No prob on this experiment.”

Many experts have expressed “skepticism” and “disbelief” at the findings of this study, citing Panda bears as the perfect example of the improbability of animals transmitting mental diseases to humans.

“Pandas are known for having sore throats,” said the zookeeper. “However, there is no connection between strep throat and kids getting it as a result of playing with pandas.”

Juan de Corona, a member of the landscaping crew, put everything into perspective with his take. “Do you know how many chemicals I breathe, man? Cat piss is the least of my problems.”

Breaking News – Do Cats Cause Schizophrenia?
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