Who Gets the Dog?
Seriously? This is a show? With all the dogs who need forever homes you’d think the show would be called, Everyone Gets the Dog! They could do it Oprah style, “You get a dog! And you get a dog!” But no. There’s only one very cute dog with three couples vying for him.
Meet Oscar. He’s an adorable 2 year-old Maltese/Terrier mix. Oscar’s three choices for his forever homes are: the creative couple, the Hollywood hipsters, or the adventurous roommates. Is it too early to say no to all three? Each of the couples live in Los Angeles and have supposedly been extensively screened. Oscar will spend one day and one night with each of the couples. They all live in apartments and have no children.
First up, the creative couple, Paul and Vanessa have been married for three years. Paul works from home as a web designer and Vanessa works as a receptionist at a hair salon. They want a dog so they will be forced to take walks and get out of the house. Dog with a job.
The hipsters, Todd and Rina, have just moved in together. Todd is a host at a karaoke bar and owns his own dee-jay company and Rena is a marketing analyst for an entertainment company. They want a dog so they can pretend it’s their baby and be real grown-ups.
And finally, the “roommates” Anne and Nichole have lived together for the past 1 ½ years. It’s not my business if this is code for “lesbians” but why not give them a cool name like Living Large in LA? Anne is an advertising coordinator for a magazine and Nichole is a manager for an entertainment company. They want a dog to take to the karaoke bar and sky-diving. Not kidding. They actually said that out loud.
Good thing there is a “panel of experts” who will be judging the couples based on 1) home environment 2) interaction 3) tasks and 4) comfort level. The experts are 1) animal behaviorist 2) veterinarian and 3) animal author. I am very disappointed there isn’t a pet psychic in the group.
Oscar visits the roommates home first. They scream when they see Oscar, enough to shatter glass. They roommies live an active life and are always in and out of the apartment, but soon Anne will require brain surgery and will enjoy having a dog around to wait on her hand and paw.
The ladies are given their first task: create a space for Oscar. They do but he but he prefers the couch, not the corner.Oscar would rule! Now onto the sleepover with dog-cam. The roomies said they had fun with Oscar, took him for a walk, and cuddled. The girls will be heartbroken if Oscar doesn’t pick them.
Moving on to the hipsters, Todd and Rina, whose apartment is smack dab in the middle of Hollywood. The new couple is gentle with him and show him the family photos. Surprise! They already have a silver framed photo of Oscar. That’s not creepy at all! And they keep remarking that Oscar is just like a little human being. I don’t think Todd and Rina have actually been around many little human beings.
The first task is: jump like me. Oscar is not interested and a little freaked out when Todd and Rina start hopping up and down. Oscar looks bored out of his mind, so he jumps onto the couch, ready for his nap and for this house visit to be over. The couple celebrates that Oscar jumped.
The next challenge is at the park called: change directions. It’s an obstacle course. The couple is too anxious and have the potential to be helicopter parents, in my opinion. Oscar clearly seems to prefer Rina to Todd. During the overnight, they stress out Oscar by trying to get him to jump some more. Unfortunately this dog is for their entertainment.
And lastly are the creative couple, Paul and Vanessa. Vanessa says that even though she’s never had a dog, her neighbors had dogs and therefore she’s qualified. Kind of like people who think they would be great with babies because they were once a baby. The first task is: clean ears. Cautiously, the couple reads the directions first. Oscar isn’t in love with this task, but is a trooper. Success!
The next task is at the park and they are playing: get the ball. This doesn’t require directions. Or does it? This couple can’t seem to get Oscar to look at the ball, let alone chase. The game becomes, Paul and Vanessa tug Oscar by the leash to get the ball. Not fun. Vanessa is surprised/confused because all the dogs she’s ever lived near growing up liked playing fetch.
Back at home it’s time for the sleepover and the creative couple takes Oscar on four more walks. Overkill much? Vanessa and Paul say they will be sad if Oscar doesn’t pick them, but hopes that no matter what, he gets a good home. If this were an Aesop’s’ Fable, based on this answer, Vanessa and Paul would get the dog.
The footage is reviewed by the “experts.” They really only had nice things to say about the couples, except for the creative couple Paul and Vanessa who “had no idea what they were doing” during the fetch session. Tip from the expert: smear peanut butter on the ball.
Each of the couples give their final plea to Oscar via video to pick them. The couples line up in the park to hear “Oscar’s” decision. After a lengthy wait, Oscar chooses the two mommies Anne and Nichole! The rejected couples fight back the tears.
For an alternate ending, I recommend that consolation-cats are given out to the losers.