dont-panic-1067044_6408 Great Stresses That Shouldn’t Stress You Out

Breaking news! People who call themselves “scientists” have discovered 8 worries that aren’t worth stressing over. Isn’t that great? These brilliant minds got together and came up with 8. Not ten. Not a dozen. Just 8. Wish there were more, but this is a scary world we live in, so we should probably be grateful there are at least 8. Without further adieu, here they are the great eight.


“I can’t take time off from work”

The truth is, you aren’t that important. You could get hit by a Mack-truck tomorrow and the company would carry on with out you. Or it won’t. Either way you won’t care because you’ll be dead. So the answer is not only can you take time off from work, the answer is you definitely should take time off from work.

“I couldn’t possible go after my dream job”

Here’s the thing about dreams – the can also be nightmares. Following your true passion can cause unforseen problems. What if your true passion is to have lots of cash, should you rob a bank? Things to ponder while you’re bored out of your mind at your real job.

“I’m terrible at speaking in front of a crowd”

Okay, this one should stress about. The “scientists” got this wrong. Fear of public speaking has been in the top three fears since the invention of public speaking. And if you have to give a presentation at work the following morning forget getting a good night’s sleep. You’ll need to take a sleeping pill for that, but then you could oversleep and not giving the presentation which is much worse than giving a tired and lame presentation.

“My success will alienate my friends”

Hang on a minute while I get up from the floor from laughed so hard. But let’s just say it happens. You can find more friends with your new success. When you’re buying, friends will always be rich in friends. I’m pretty sure Ghandi said something like that.

“He/She doesn’t truly love me”

This is supposedly a core fear, meaning everyone has it to some degree. Unless you are one of the lucky ones friends describe as “emotionally unavailable” then you really don’t have to worry about this life-stressor. Just keep in mind love is fluid, like Vodka being poured down the drain, you aren’t truly loved at all moments of your life.

“People will judge me if”

This should be called “People will judge me when.” You will judge and be judged. This is called human nature. Statistics prove the rule of thirds on this one: 1/3 will like you, 1/3 won’t like you, and 1/3 won’t care about you. Get comfortable with the phrase: fuck it.

“I can’t leave this relationship”

Remember the song, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy?” This simple song resonates for a reason. If you’re aren’t happy, leave that relationship. So what you only have debt to divide between the two of you and the kids will miss daddy, if your spirit isn’t singing everyday you have a responsibility to stop wasting precious time. Simply put, you aren’t going to live forever.

“I’m not ready for the next step”

Here’s a little known fact: nobody is. Were you ready for that first time in the sack? Probably not, that’s why little Johnny is crawling around the floor that hasn’t been swept in a week. There’s a reason for the very poiniant and deeply spot-on saying, Shit Happens.

Did you miss last week’s satire? Read it here.

Breaking News! 8 Great Stresses That Shouldn’t Stress You Out
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