Breaking News! It’s OK to Hold On to That Grudge
For a long time, many so-called experts believed that forgiveness was a necessary step in the healing process of the victim. They believed forgiveness helped the individual to move on. But not anymore! Recently scientists have discovered “exciting” news when it comes to the question of whether or not you should forgive. And the answer is – Not necessarily! Previous studies have shown that forgiveness is for you, the wronged, and not so much the person who wronged you. We now know there are times when, despite what the bible says, we don’t have to forgive if we don’t want to.
“To forgive, one of the components is deciding if that person is going to hurt you again,” explained one of the scientists. “That’s why I never forgive anyone. Statistically speaking you’ll get screwed again.”
Here’s an interesting fun fact: Anger is good! Anger can be a powerful motivator, especially for those who have been victimized. Anger is the friend who helps us rise above the victimization and fight our way back from the most devastating of traumas.
“That’s why I take boxing lessons. It helps me let out my rage,” explained a survivor of trauma. “Plus, I’m waiting for someone to cross me again. Revenge is a great motivator, too.”
What’s most important, say the experts, is each person coming to this point on his or her own. If they need to hate for a while, a haters gotta hate. After that, when the victim no longer needs the anger, forgiveness can often be viewed as a viable option.
“Forgiveness is a choice,” said the janitor at the lab. “I didn’t speak to my father for ten years, but he eventually admitted he was wrong. I knew all along he cheated at Monopoly, but I’ve chosen to forgive him.”
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