The Morning After
Welcome back to Married By Mom & Dad. Just think about it – no matter how overwhelmed you are feeling in this final week before Christmas – you weren’t married by your mom and dad! Life is good. We join Devin and Ursula post wedding night. WTF? Why are we skipping their first night and going straight to their first brunch with family? Wa-waah. Thank goodness for flashbacks. After the reception the not-so happy couple went to a nightclub/hookah bar during a hurricane, stayed all night long and didn’t consummate their marriage. That’s why there weren’t any cameras. Ursula’s mom and dad now refer to Devin as “the idiot.” Not a good sign, but the idiot considers himself the gentleman and that’s why they waited – not because of all the alcohol consumed and his inability to perform. No way! That’s not the reason at all. Ursula’s mom doesn’t hold back that she’s still very unhappy with her daughter’s decision to marry a stranger and will not visit Pennsylvania because she “hates” the entire state. Bring on the honeymoon.
Onto Tahnee where we meet Steve, her “bonus” dad who is married to Lisa, Tahnee’s step-mom. He is here to make Tahnee’s real dad look bad help. Their first group date will be a golf outing with potential mate Matt (is everyone on this show named Matt?) who has a great job in the technology field, is a Sagittarius, and looking for a woman who knows what she wants – which makes no sense because if you’re going on this show you obviously don’t know what you want. Matt admits he sucks at golf and his parents don’t believe this is real. So why is handsome Matt still single? He rambles as to why this is. So Lisa and Cindy try rapid fire questions and this doesn’t go very well either, other than to point out Matt’s indecisiveness. Matt was great on video, but not so great in person. Moving on.
Next we join Bethany and her mom Julie who are meeting with the loud and energetic wedding planner Erin who is stunned into uncomfortable silence when she learns this is an arranged marriage and she only has a few days to plan said arranged marriage. Bethany asks Erin how she should handle the first kiss at the alter. The medium kiss is recommended as opposed to the full on kiss or the peck on the cheek, and Erin’s explanation as to what this entails is headache inducing. Okay, we are going to need her to take it down a notch, but if Bethany can get through this, the wedding should be a breeze. Then there’s the mingling problem. Julie’s family still holds a grudge with her ex-husband Thomas, so good luck with that.
Back to Devin and his parents, he tells them the only red flag so far is that he doesn’t chase women and he thinks Ursula wants to be courted which is something Devin doesn’t do. And then there’s the matter of his last name. Ursula says she will not take it right now, maybe later. Maybe not. In fact, probably not. Then Ursula announces she doesn’t want kids. Okay, make that three red flags! Devin’s parents are disappointed. Perhaps this question should have been asked during the interviewing stage. Way to go mom and dad – this is on you!
Cindy and Lisa are now meeting Steven for Tahnee’s potential husband who is a personal trainer and all about living a healthy lifestyle. They will be rock climbing for their date. Steven is a self-proclaimed “very romantic” guy. Cindy likes Steven right away because of his extreme height. They start the rapid fire questions and we learn that Steven’s favorite color is red, he prefers bikinis, he doesn’t like tattoos (which Tahnee has) and doesn’t recall why his last relationship ended. Could it be because of his bad memory? And how many times will Steven want sex during the week – I can’t believe Cindy asks this question, but after some thought, he says five. Steven’s biggest fear about this process is his fear of commitment. Red flag alert! Let’s change the subject to watching bonus dad Steve climb the wall, shall we?
Back with Bethany, it’s time to try on dresses. Breanna, Bethany’s sister, is along for the ride. Thank goodness because mom is driving her daughter batshit crazy. The first dress is a princess dress, the second dress is tight and sparkly, and third one is mermaid, but whichever one she chooses, mom wants Bethany to cover up her exposed shoulder tattoo. Bethany says no to that. He will have to accept her, warts and all. (But please have those covered up-just saying.) Julie asks Bethany if she’s sure this is what she wants because the dress is making everything real. Bethany says yes to the dress but no to the nails.
After rock-climbing, Cindy, Lisa and Steve have a pow-wow about Steven. Cindy says he’s great but doesn’t seem ready. Steve tells Cindy she’s crazy, but she’s not. Steve then tells Lisa it’s time to strong arm Cindy into going their way and picking Steven. Cindy isn’t going to roll over and be a doormat because at the end of the day, she’s mom #1. Basically they need to interview a third guy. Neither of these guys are a match. I see it. I’m sure the viewers see it. Why can’t Lisa and Steve see it?
We return to Charlotte, North Carolina, for the big day. So far, Bethany is pretty calm. Dad Thomas is more nervous because he’s worried his daughter won’t like their pick. The groom’s friends are baffled that Billy is the first to be getting married among their group. The groom has sent gifts to the bride and bridesmaids – but really they’re most likely from the wedding planner. Bethany tears up when she sees the jewelry and knows she’s about to marry her prince charming. Whatever gets her through the day. Billy, meanwhile is a nervous wreck and could use a gift, or a hug, or a shot of whiskey because the guy is freaking out.
However, there’s a problem. The wedding dress is not there. Bethany didn’t pick it up, and didn’t know she had to pick it up because, like her groom, wasn’t someone else going to pick it up?!
Tune in two weeks from now to see if Bethany’s dress arrives and if Devin and Ursula make it through their honeymoon. My bet’s on no to each. Merry Christmas!
Missed last week’s episode of Married By Mom & Dad? Check it out here.