It’s Not Easy Being Green
Welcome back to the Caribbean – which have been heavily damaged as of now. As one reporter put it, Hurricane Irma made the islands look like an atomic bomb went off. A note reminding the viewers that Below Deck was filmed prior to Hurricane Irma was kind of a, No duh, moment, but we pick up where we left off, which is on the adrenaline junkies’ beach BBQ excursion. They are loving the food but can’t get the stuff to work.
As for the adrenaline junkie part, the guests are pretty lame tame. And Brianna may have broken her wrist when she busted her ass. Back at the boat, Kate declares laundry Armageddon. And Capt. Lee has to pitch in because the crew is so green. In fact, because the crew is so green, like neon green, Kate wants another steward. Of course that means less tips for everyone else. Boo! After Capt. Lee wraps Brianna’s wrist, he tells her he won’t pay for a one-handed massage. Really? Lesser men would.
Kate calls a meeting with Brianna to tell her she put dirty stuff in the washing machine. Excuse me? Isn’t that what a washing machine is for? To clean the dirty stuff? Briana doesn’t like Kate’s leadership. Hey, Briana, sarcasm is a terrific motivating tool. Get used to it. And how does the other steward, Jen, rationalize absconding her parental duties? By saying she’s setting an example for her daughter to go after her dreams. Hey, Jen, hope her dreams never include becoming a mule for a guy she met on-line. And don’t get me started on the white Chris Brown. Stop talking so much, dude.
Nico and Kate are struggling with their crews. Bruno acts like a baby when Nico tells him he’s the slowest deckhand on the boat and Jen gets timed when she makes tea for a guest and then forgets to put the tea in. In the meantime, Nico tries to put his moves on Baker and likes that she has an inheritance from her dead dad. And today was his birthday. Happy Birthday, Dad! Baker has a business degree, but would rather live life to the fullest…as a glorified janitor.
The guests are being served their last wonderful meal before they leave from chef Nopants. But before they go, the will watch a sumo diving match. Below deck, Kate gets a case of the giggles every time she gets around Jen. It’s time to wave goodbye to the guests and collect their tip. Normally the guests are assholes, but these people were cool. The crew got lucky their asses weren’t handed to them. Next time they may not be so lucky. Fingers crossed!
Bruno is struggling on board because nobody cares about his feelings so he goes to the bathroom and cries – in my mind. Bruno tells the white Chris Brown you can’t be a jerk when you work on a cruise ship. Apparently, jerks can and do thrive working on yachts. This may not the career for Bruno. Meanwhile, the Valor nearly wrecks into the dock, but crisis averted because of Baker. Girl power!
Nico has now switched strategy after seeing Baker is out of his league, he is now interested in Brianna. But then we learn that Nico is already in a relationship. The white Chris Brown notifies Nico that he may need to divert some of his manly attention to Bruno who can’t stop sniveling.
Capt. Lee calls the meeting to divvy up the tip money. He tells the crew not everyone pulled their own weight and if they don’t up their game, there will be consequences. Dun-dun-duunn. The tip is $1360 each. This is huge. Kate thinks more of the money should go to her – but she feels that way after every charter. The crew has the night off and Capt. Lee informs them that tomorrow is a work day and prepare to be sweating out the oldies.
The crew is very excited about getting drunk and going out and getting drunk. Nico Skypes his girlfriend Melissa, however, when Melissa says goodbye because the “call was breaking up” she says she loves him. Nico does not return that sentiment. Bottom line, Nico is ready to go out and blow off some steam.
The white Chris Brown is bummed he’s not sitting next to Brianna at dinner. Kate would rather be doing her taxes than dining with the crew. But Bri and Nico have some chemistry, whether they want to admit it or not, however, Jen is turning up her interest in Nico because she hasn’t had sex in ages and dust in growing on her vajayjay. Having said hat, acting like you’re having an orgasm at the table is not sexy, girl. It’s desperate. I won’t have what she’s having!
So who is the biggest drunk? Nopants Matt. Holy crap! Didn’t see that coming. And Bri can have whomever she wants, but don’t blow your load, white Chris Brown, she’s not into you. The crew enjoys a group dance, and if it feels good, it must look good – not. But it’s time to go back to the Valor and sleep it off. Everyone is shocked that Matt is such a rager. Especially the white Chris Brown. Briana asks Chris if he’s gay since he can’t stop talking about Matt. The white Chris Brown wants to prove to Brianna he’s not gay at all.
The following morning it’s time to get to work, no matter how much the crew had to drink. So far everyone is doing well, except for the white Chris Brown. He’s an amateur because he didn’t discover how fun drinking is until a few years ago and he doesn’t have a hangover game plan – other than crawl back into bed and ignore the radio calls from Nico. Once Capt. Lee picks up on this he wants to know what’s up. Here’s what the white Chris Brown had to say, “Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”
Missed last week’s season premiere of Below Deck? Check it out here.