Below Deck

Episode 4

Kate Goes to Church

This week on Below Deck we have an extended episode because apparently there is so much drama they needed 15 extra minutes. Spoiler alert: No they didn’t. We begin where we left off, at the bar with a drunk crew. My favorite place to be. Jen is hiding in the bathroom and Baker is dancing on the table. Kate leaves so she can be blessed by Jesus. Back on the boat the white Chris Brown is slurring his incomprehensible words the he’s into Brianna. Briana has the opposite feelings for Chris.

The new charter guests will be arriving in 27 hours so it’s time to work, work, work. Kate is late getting back due to additional time kneeling at Jesus’ altar. Nico calls her a naughty-yachty. Meanwhile, Chris is struggling once again to keep up with the pace. Jen in working outside and her cups runneth over. This distraction brings Nico to tears because it’s the three month anniversary of his little brother’s death. O-kay. Not sure why her boobs remind Nico of his brother, but sending virtual hugs anyway.

Capt. Lee calls Kate, Matt, and Nico in to go over the needs of the charter guests. This week it’s a bunch of wealthy women. Woo-hoo! The main chick is a high-end realtor from the Palm Springs area. Their only request is a disco theme dance party. Will Bruno be forced to put a disco ball on his junk? Can’t wait to find out!

Nico needs someone to talk to so he grabs Brianna and she grabs her ukulele. He talks about his useless crew and his struggling mom, but then just wants to listen to Bri – who reminds him of his girlfriend back home – play the ukulele. The sexual tension is building, but these two are still in denial.

It’s go time! The charter guests will be arriving so the crew puts on the finishing touches. The champagne is flowing as the women arrive. We learns something new about Capt. Lee. He hates hearing, “Woo-hoo!” over and over again. Kate gives a tour and the women are impressed. Can I get a woo-hoo!

It’s time to leave the dock but the deckhands are struggling. There’s a spring line they haven’t released and this causes the Valor to hit the dock. Ugh! Capt. Lee is madder than pissed on chicken. The damage is around $250K. Way to go crew! You’re all fired – after the season is over. Off we go. The women cheer, “woo-hoo!” and now Capt. Lee is madder than shit on chicken.

At a side meeting, Nico tells the deckhands they’re a bunch of dumb shits. Chris stupidly mentions there should have been two guys helping on the dock and Nico explains it was their responsibility. Instead of the white Chris Brown we should call him keep yo mouth shut Chris.

In the kitchen, Matt is making Chinese salmon and the guests love it. Kate instructs Jen to check on the guests every seven minutes. Jen cannot take the micro-management, but too bad because she’s new. And when she asks Nico to get a bottle of wine for her, he’s like, “Dude, I’m busy.” And Jen’s grunting because she’s struggling. You know who else is overwhelmed? Keep yo mouth shut Chris.

Kate returns to the Valor with the tacky disco decorations needed for tonight’s party. While she was out, Kate purchased herself a ring. Is it from Jesus? Probably not. I hear he only gives her wine. But I digress, Jen is mad because she had to work all by lonesome self for two hours on the charter guests because Bri was on break. Boo-hoo.

Nico and Capt. Lee have a pow-wow to discuss today’s blunders. Nico says he’s not sure if Chris isn’t taking the job seriously or is he’s just an inept pouty baby. Capt. Lee suggests “anchor watch.” I think it’s the equivalent to “paint-drying duty.” Nico locates Chris to tell him about his exciting assignment to which he says, “Sick! Too bad I didn’t bring a book.” Yay, he can read!

Meanwhile, Kate is continuing her torment of Jen. For disco night Jen will be wearing a black fuzzy afro. It’s her turn to embarrass herself like Bruno did last week with the human sushi platter. Jen looks like a cross between Betty Rubble and Chaka Khan. The food is a hit again even though Kate-the-meanie called Matt’s food boring and bland. Wonder what Jesus would say about that?

Jen is having a rough night. Kate won’t let her take of the wig until one of the charter guests wears it. Then Jen tries to help Matt in the kitchen, but she’s too slow. Kate says she’s needed upstairs, but Jen says she needs a break. Waa! The whole world is against her. Kate’s deconstruction of Jen’s self-esteem is nearly complete.

Let’s disco! Unfortunately it’s very lame and the anchor watching is slightly more interesting. Bruno and Kate get into an argument because he won’t conga dance with the guests. I knew he’d be required to do something because Kate is the puppet master. The thing is, he’s sort of a deckhand, not sort of a conga dancer. The ladies go to sleep at a reasonable hour and the only one sort-of awake is Chris watching the anchor.

So right about now I’m thinking why in the heck did they need an extra 15 minutes. Give me a pair of scissors and I’ll cut out some scenes. It’s the last day of the charter and everyone is tired. Bruno tells Nico what happened with Kate, but Nico just wants to park the yacht without crashing it. He tells Bruno if that happens again, to tell Kate to talk to him. Guess what, Kate won’t do that. She’ll talk to Capt. Lee.

Matt the chef is really into Bri the steward. Kate encourages Matt to ask her out. But first, the Valor must successfully make it in. Capt. Lee is usually fearless but right now he’s scared shitless. Matt the chef comes out to save the day. How the heck is the cook better than the deckhands? It wasn’t pretty, but they parked safely.

The guests, who were all very cool, say their goodbyes and hand over a big envelope of money. Capt. Lee calls for a meeting. He tells the crew they are making progress, but their docking abilities suck. Capt. Lee says there will be changes coming. He calls it a “reconfiguration.” Uh-oh, Matt. You could be a deckhand soon. Nico wants to send Chris packing. But the tip was respectable a $16K, giving the crew $1,540 each. I’m sure Kate wants to dock Bruno’s tip. And that’s not a metaphor.

Nico has another side meeting to tell Bruno, Chris and Baker how badly they’re sucking at their jobs. Kate tells the girls that Capt. Lee probably doesn’t know who to send home because everyone should be fired (except for her of course). Chris resents this added stress – because it’s totally directed at him.

Matt is drinking the liquid courage to finally ask Bri out and Chris is drinking the liquid courage to convince himself he’s not getting fired. Bri says yes to both!  Even though we all know that she likes Nico. In fact, she follows him into his room – that he shares with Matt. The moment is ruined. Argh! And Jen is so drunk she has to be carried back to the boat by Bruno.

Tune in next time for Matt’s turn to be under fire. Bri hates their date at a nude beach and the new charters guests hate his cooking.

Missed last week’s Below Deck? Check it out here.

RECAP: Below Deck – Epi 4 “Kate Goes to Church”
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