Episode 6

100 Feet from Catastrophe

We return to Below Deck exactly where we left off – with the boring non-drinkers the crew says about the folks from Houston. I’m sure they won’t be back. Meanwhile, it sucks to be Jen and Nico. Each think they are underappreciated and each are way wrong. However, the person who should be worried is chef Matt, but at least he gets it, and decides to up his game.

The Valor is in St. Bart’s where the celebrities hang out. Up top, the guests are using the slide and using the water toys. Who says you can’t have fun without alcohol? Nobody! Down below, Chris Brown is wondering how long he’s going to be sleeping in the kitchen. Spoiler alert: not long. Kate suggests moving to the pantry because obviously. Also sucking at their job is Matt who apparently doesn’t understand the concept: up his game. He promised the charter guests lobster for lunch before checking to see if he had any. Oopsie. Capt. Lee has agreed to send someone to get some, but they are slow as shit and the guests are starving and getting cranky.

Finally the very fresh lobsters arrive. After murdering them, Matt delivers the sautéed lobsters himself. Luckily the guests love it. Now that the guests are taken care of, the deck hands are trying to figure out who to listen to: Nico or the cool beans new guy? The power struggle continues and Bruno gets reprimanded for not wearing a shirt by Capt. Lee. Sorry Bruno, I don’t mind but apparently Chippendales is not one of the sponsors of the show.

Jen asks permission from Kate to go call her daughter and is told to keep it to 10 minutes. Jen’s daughter asks if they can face-time and Jen says no because she only has 10 minutes which I don’t understand what that has to do with anything. Jen cries to her daughter that she misses her. Hey Jen, here’s an idea. Go home. Raise the white flag, which is not code for take off your panties. Your daughter needs you, the yachting industry does not.

The guests are having a seven-course Caribbean dinner and they are loving it. Matt is in the cooking zone. The guests say it’s the best Mahi-Mahi they’ve ever had in their lives. If only we had the recipe! The guests are in a great mood for tonight’s casino night. Bonus: Chris is lending a hand as the black jack dealer. Hope he can do math.

Capt. Lee calls Nico and EJ to the bridge for their feedback on the deck crew. Nico says that Baker is doing well, Bruno is improving, and Chris is drowning. EJ says he sees some potential in Chris, but Bruno has no concept of the yachting industry. Capt. Lee asks if they think the Valor can be managed with one less person. They say yes – which is a lie, but oh well.

The guests need to be off the boat by 11:15 because a helicopter is picking them up. Cool beans! Speaking of cool beans, Capt. Lee radios EJ and Nico to tell him they are coming in too hot to one of the other yachts and need to move the boat. As the guests dine on bagels and lox, they have a perfect view of the impending crash. They release the tender because it will hit first, but forget to grab the keys. Ugh! It’s like watching the Three Stooges and Capt. Lee is ready to fire the entire crew. Won’t that be fun!

The crew lines up to say goodbye to the boring guests. They hand over a thick envelope of cash. Capt. Lee calls a meeting. He tells the crew that this was his first time sailing with guests that didn’t drink, and hopefully the last. Capt. Lee announces that EJ will be staying for the “foreseeable future.” The sober guests left the best tip so far this season – $21,000 – which breaks down to $1,750 each. The crew has the night off and Capt. Lee tells them to get in touch with their inner Jiminy Cricket.

Capt. Lee calls a private meeting for the deck crew. Here we go! Capt. Lee talks like a sailor as he describes how embarrassing it was to nearly crash into another yacht. I’m sure all the other boat captains will be gossiping about him tonight. So Capt. Lee drops the anchor on Chris. His response? “Cool.” No Chris. Getting fired isn’t cool, or cool beans, but good luck to you and your future of bartending.

EJ and Nico have a sit down about the cross communications they are giving the crew. EJ says he will not be undermined in front the crew and whatever he says goes. Nico says he will not sit here and take this. He will go cry in private. In the kitchen area, Brianna asks Jen if she needs any help. Jen says yes and asks her to organize two cabinets. Briana questions if that’s her job, which of course it is, but then why did you ask if you can help if you don’t want to help?

It’s party time tonight in St. Bart’s. Brianna is dressed to kill and Nico is ready to be slaughtered. At dinner, Kate asks EJ to tell everyone about himself. He’s from Canada (Duh, eh). He’s traveled the world on yachts (Cool beans). And he doesn’t receive special treatment from Capt. Lee (Eye roll from Nico).

Jen starts reciting the French portion of Patti LaBelle’s Lady Marmalade to Nico. Nico is not interested, but checks to see if Brianna is noticing. Matt texts his ex to see if he can beg for her forgiveness. Kate tells Baker not to worry so much because things are awful in her area, too. EJ suggests bonding over Tequila shots. And Jen tells everyone that she works harder than anyone. Guess who didn’t have their nap today? Brianna tells Jen she’s “bitter all the time.” Oh no she di’ent! Kate threatens the girls they will scrub the floor with toothbrushes if they don’t knock it off.

The group goes to another bar and Jen struts in and flirts with EJ, the only crew member willing to talk to her. Nico and Brianna dance as Jen looks on with hatred and envy. Kate goes to talk with the buzz kill known at Jen who will someday learn that alcohol is not her friend.

Over on the sofa, Nico and Brianna sit alone, the perfect opportunity to get closer, only Nico uses his time to complain about EJ. Brianna says she’s keeping an open mind, which is all anyone can ask. Next, Nico tells Brianna she’s trouble. The two cozy up for just a second, and then Nico thinks, Holy shit my girlfriend is going to see this. And pulls away.

It’s time to return to the Valor. As they pull up, EJ uses this moment to show off. He jumps from the boat to the yacht, and nearly slips which could have resulted in a fall and a cracked noggin. He didn’t, but Nico doesn’t like being out shined his attitude. And the arguing ensues.  They work on securing the tender, each telling the other to calm down and go to bed. It’s a stand-off between a couple of two year-olds. When Nico tells EJ to get his shoes off his deck, EJ fires back, “It’s my deck now, buddy boy.” Calling someone buddy boy is so very cool beans. Don’t you agree?

Tune in next week when more shit goes down and they float around the beautiful islands earning more money than they deserve.

Missed last week’s recap of Below Deck? Check it out here.

RECAP: Below Deck Epi 6 “100 Feet from Catastrophe”
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