Episode 7


This week on Below Deck we have a mighty fine time with the guests, y’all. They are semi-famous, ain’t that sweet. But first, we pick up where we left off, mid fight between Cool Beans and Buddy Boy a.k.a. EJ and Nico. Nico threatens that if he’s not bosun by tomorrow he’s quitting. Bye. Don’t let the sail hit ya on the way out. Jen also has her panties in a bind after being told she’s bitter. Everyone is suffering from extreme sea-sickness.

The following morning, because the St. Barth’s docks are full, Capt. Lee tells the crew they can tender in to enjoy the day on land after they finish their work. Kate advises Jen to apologize to Brianna to clear the air as they shop. EJ is hanging with the deck hands in a bar and Nico is hanging out with Brianna at the beach, playing with her butt. Any day these two are going to rip each others clothes off, in the meantime, everyone is encouraging Nico and EJ to drop their egos and get along.

Back on board, Jen gives Brianna a peace-offering bracelet. Good call, Jen. Bitter no more, and Brianna apologizes as well. If only shiny objects worked as well with men. Nico does reach out to EJ and says he shouldn’t have been a dick and shouldn’t have called EJ an asshole. EJ forgives Nico, but will never forget. Ever, never, ever.

It’s time for the Valor to night dock – to which I say, WTF? This crew can hardly manage docking in the daylight. Capt. Lee has no choice, apparently, but get this, it was the smoothest docking yet. Capt. Lee’s new plan is to blindfold the crew since they work better with limited vision. This is The Karate Kid and Capt. Lee is Mr. Miyagi.

It’s time for the charter guest meeting. Who are the semi-famous people? You know the movie The Blindside with Sandra Bullock? It’s not her, but the actual woman who adopted a football player. Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy are the guests! They have two requests: an award show themed dinner and a tailgating themed beach party. Kate is okay for the first theme, but has no idea what tailgating is. Girl, you have not lived until you tailgate. Barbequed anything on a parking lot is delish!

EJ holds a meeting for the deck hands since “he’s the bosun.” He tells everyone to pitch in and things will be cool beans. It doesn’t matter what EJ does, Nico can’t stand him. And something to look forward to, Jen is going to give us a cheer at the beach. Go Away!

As Kate gives a tour to the Tuoghy’s, she describes the guests in the following manner: southern roots, authentic, spiritual, not preachy, classy and sassy, not snobby. But after Leigh Anne makes a remark that Kate needs to eat more, bless her heart, perhaps Kate would like to add judgey to the list. But at least these people drink! Three cheers for that.

It’s time for dinner, but Matt is too busy trying to talk to his ex-girlfriend. He’s been reaching out, but she hasn’t responded until now and that response is a text telling Matt to call her later. Kate is pissed that she has to track him down to tell him to do his job.

The guests love their snapper, but don’t love that Kate didn’t know “Sandy” won the best actress Oscar for her portrayal of Leigh Anne. And the award for biggest gaf during a meal goes to Kate. The guests are not happy with the bananas foster dessert because it was served with chocolate instead of vanilla ice-cream, but they are sweet about it. Not Kate. She refers to it as a big shit from a seagull. Yum.

Matt can’t concentrate until he actually hears his girlfriend’s voice. Thankfully she answers his call and they talk, but not about anything of substance. Which in lies the problem. But at least Matt can now fully focus on being a chef. Kate is a delegating machine for the tailgating glam party. Jen is supposed to be a cheerleader, but she looks more like a crazed tourist who lost her way and wandered over to the tailgaters. Baker does a cheering riff and saves the day. She deserves some of Jen’s tip.

Back at the boat, Kate tells Matt to up his game. She goes to greet the guests and is not happy when she sees what Jen is wearing, but doesn’t’ say anything in front of the guests. However, Kate confirms what we’re all thinking. If you’re going to be a cheerleader, be a cheerleader.

Capt. Lee has a meeting with EJ who only has good things to say about his crew. He doesn’t trust Nico, but Cool Beans isn’t a snitch. And Kate vents to roomie Baker about getting Jen back for being a sneaky non-cheerleader by making her the new Valor mascot. This is going to be great.

Guess what? Capt. Lee is joining the guests for dinner as the surprise guest! He should be required to do this every cruise – he’d hate it. The Captain is greeted with a standing ovation. Things seem to be going okay in the kitchen, so Kate finds Jen to tell her the exciting news she is the new mascot. Jen knows she’s being punked once again and is not happy. Flashbacks are shown of all the outfits this poor girl has had to endure.

Capt. Lee makes small talk asking how the book and movie came about. You will not believe in a million years, but guess whose produced it. The fat slob bully movie mogul who has been sexually assaulting women for three decades, Harvey Weinstein. Eww. But the desserts that Bruno help decorated are beautiful. I think we found his real calling.

So what is the Valor mascot, you ask? Not much. Flashy sneakers, a life preserver, and a visor. Jen says she feels like a fancy puppy that keeps getting dressed up by her lonely owner. Matt, however, is feeling pretty good about himself. Not only do the guests not hate his food, but his ex-girlfriend also may not hate him. Life is good. But not for Jen. She sasses Kate so Kate piles on the work at 1:15 am and tells Cinderella to clean everything up before she can go to the ball. As a parting gift, Kate tells Jen there may be no hope for her in the yachting industry.

Tune in next time when Nico and Brianna finally give into temptation, things come to a head between Jen and Kate, and the guests are obnoxious as hell. This may be the best episode yet!

Missed last week’s Below Deck? Check it out here.

RECAP: Below Deck – Epi 7 “Blindsided”
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