Below Deck

Episode 12

You Don’t Mess with the Primary

We return to Below Deck where we left off – with the women who will soon push Capt. Lee over the edge of the Valor. But first he has to deal with chef Matt who needs to up his presentation abilities or he will never be on the show again. Onto the new guy Kyle who plans to get onto Jen.

Nico gives his blessing because he knows if Jen gets some maybe she’ll stop being such a diva. Not likely. And Kate wants to fire Jen but doesn’t want to train someone knew this late in the game. Meanwhile, our primary guest Shelly regales stories to her gal pals how she hated coming home after a night of drinking to deal with crying babies. Babies are so annoying.

Brunch is served on the upper deck as the crew gets the water toys ready for the guests. Tip of the day from the primary guest Shelly is there is no shame in Jesus. But get ready because there is some shaming tonight. Capt. Lee is joining the guests for dinner. Matt is crapping in his pants because he was planning something average to serve because the ladies seem to dig it.

It’s party time! The theme is don’t fuck up. Capt. Lee checks in on Matt in the galley to see what he has up his boring sleeve. Matt doesn’t impress when he burns his hand. The ladies all got the wear white memo and Capt. Lee is wearing a white button down with tropical flowers. Capt. Lee is asked to sit in the middle, but don’t nobody put Capt. Lee in the middle. He takes the head so the chances of sexual harrassment are lower.

Jen tells Bruno and Baker that things are brewing between herself and Kyle. They both have kids out of wedlock and that’s about it for things in common. In the galley, Matt is making scallops and unfortunately some of the guests describe them as gummy. Not a good start. Capt. Lee is listening to everything the ladies are saying about the meal, mostly because he’s trying to avoid being asked to attend the pajama-jam later tonight. The main course mahi is served and rejected by two guests. Ruh-roh.

The women are getting their drinks on and on and on. Shelly keeps telling Capt. Lee she can do the splits. Lucky for us, Capt. Lee doesn’t say prove it. Below, Jen tells Kyle about her Kate-woes even though she can’t understand his supportive responses due to his cockney accent.  Capt. Lee joins the ladies in “Studio 51” and soon wishes he could blow his brains out with a flare gun when Shelly serenades him by channeling her inner Bret Michaels. Capt. Lee describes Shelly (to us) as sloppy, which is one step above disgusting. Her friends are tired of her too, but love her money try to put her to bed, only you don’t want to mess with the primary, slurs Shelly.

Kate makes a huge mistake by going to check on the women and gets an earful from drunk Shelly about how her friends are jealous of her because Capt. Lee likes her. Waah! You see, that’s why alcohol is great. In Shelly’s mind Capt. Lee is in love with her, but those bitches won’t stop judging her. Have another, Shelly! She wants Kate to talk to Capt. Lee, but about what, I’m not sure.

The following morning the guests are dying for coffee but Jen has overslept, yet again, and Matt has to make the coffee. Yay, something he can do! Capt. Lee calls Kate to the bridge to discuss last night’s meal. Kate says scallops are never a hit with everyone. So true. Kate thinks Matt has improved somewhat, but praise the Lord and thank his son Jesus, these women don’t have good taste. Kate doesn’t disclose to Capt. Lee about the blubbering blubber named Shelly. Too bad. I always love seeing Capt. Lee roll his eyes.

It’s the last day of the charter and Shelly is hungover and hating life. Meanwhile, Nico and Brianna are discussing how the season is coming to an end and what they will do next. Shag. It’s time to say goodbye to the charter lushes guests. Shelly tells everyone how wonderful everything was, especially the salad dressing, and hands over the envelope. WTF? Who compliments the salad dressing?

Capt. Lee calls everyone to the galley for the meeting. The tip is only $15K. This is mediocre at best. Capt. Lee wants a big tip because next week is the last charter for the season. He tells the crew to sit there and figure out what they need to do to up their game (Matt), and leaves the room. And go!

Kyle rats out Jen and says when the guests woke up that morning, nothing was prepped. Guess who won’t be getting any tonight. Brianna recommends that Matt take as much risk as necessary with his cooking. The meeting ends without any tears or blood and Nico calls his mom to check in on how she’s coping. It sounds like she’s doing better than Nico because he reaches out to his ex-girlfriend, which does not bode well for Brianna. While cleaning, Kate asks Jen what Kyle was talking about in the meeting. Psycho Jen doesn’t cop to sleeping late and instead throws Brianna under the yacht with some shit about dirty silverware. But Kate knows the truth.

Capt. Lee calls a meeting to discuss the final charter guests. He’s a repeat guest from two years ago who was a major pain in the ass. He’s bringing his top three employees for an “over-the-top” experience. Matt asks for more details and Kate is afraid to freak him out by saying what a demanding jerk he is. Kate is willing to assist Matt so they leave the boat alone to make a game plan for this picky dude over dinner.

The rest of the crew go out to eat and drink and drink and drink. Brianna asks what everyone is doing after this charter. She’s really asking Nico, and everyone but Nico answers. And things are no longer clicking between Jen and Kyle due to her bad table manners. Kyle gets up and walks off, so grossed out that Jen reached across the table and dipped her fork in his food. Oh the horror. Can you say OCD-lightful?

Jen leaves to go to the bathroom so Kyle returns and says it’s over between them even though nothing ever started. Baker begs Kyle not to mention this to Jen right now because she’s cray-cray and this will send her off the deep end and ruin everyone’s night.

Jen returns to the table to find the ladies only. She’s bummed, but they all meet up at another bar. Let’s do some shots! Brianna and Nico bail and Jen hates everyone so what’s a girl to do? Keep drinking! Soon it’s time to go and the guys leave Baker to manage a very drunk Jen. She wants to pee but Baker wants to keep up with the guys. Things don’t go well and Baker calls Jen an idiot and Jen calls Baker a whore.

Back at the Valor, Jen storms into Brianna and Nico’s cabin to explain what just happened. Here what Jen said, “I jub tho me and she nad bo like da katir manzz.”

Kyle is hangry because he didn’t eat his dinner after Jen contaminated it and joins the melee in Brianna and Nico’s cabin to call out Jen for calling Baker a whore. An argument breaks out and Bruno calls Jen a child. Things get loud between Bruno and Jen because he threatens to lock her in the bathroom. Things escalate. And unfortunately we have to wait until next week to see who get’s fired.

Happy Thanksgiving! May your time with family have less drama that an episode of Below Deck.

Missed last week’s episode? Check it out here.

RECAP: Below Deck – Epi 12 “Don’t Mess With the Primary”
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