Breaking News! How to Spot a Failed Relationship and Break Up Sooner
Why do relationships fail? The answer depends on who you ask. Ask a therapist and they’ll say it’s because couples wait too long to seek counseling. Ask a cleric and they’ll say it’s because couples marry outside their faith. Ask a lawyer and they’ll say it’s because no prenup existed. The truth is, it doesn’t matter who you ask. Your marriage is in the ditch and ignoring the issues are getting you nowhere.
“I just don’t know what she wants from me,” said a man in couples counseling. “Sure I spend a lot of time at the office, or with the guys playing golf, or at the poker tables in Vegas, but I gave her a credit card, you’d think that count for something?”
Have you heard of the four horsemen? It describes the four traits that erode a marriage: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. If you and your partner are engaged in all four of these tactics, stick a fork in it because you’re done. If you have only 1 or 2 of these traits, seek help now, otherwise the other horsemen will catch up and trample your marriage. According to researchers, of the four, stonewalling is the worst.
“I disagree with this and I told my therapist,” explained the wife. “Ignoring him and withholding sex is how I communicate I’m not happy and he needs to figure out why.”
So what’s a person to do? Save time! Figure out where you are and get help or get out now. Don’t let the gangrene continue to grow and require you to cut off your leg with a pocket knife because that’ll hurt and leave a scar. Here are 5 ways to spot the red flags of a failing relationship so you can get help now.
- You and your partner avoid each other – Go to bed early or stay up late? Look at your phone instead of your mate? Avoidance is a major red flag. Why be married if you don’t want to hang out with your spouse.
- You can’t talk about serious topics without yelling – Call it being passionate or being Italian, sometimes things escalate, but if you do this every time, it’s a problem.
- You stop discussing major decisions or choices – Schedule major surgery without talking it over with your spouse? This is a red flag. I mean, are you going to Uber home? It’s important to share these events with your spouse so they can drop what they’re doing and take care you of.
- You compare your spouse to other people – And not in a good way, like I’m so glad you don’t dress slutty like so and so. More like, why can’t you be more understanding like my coworker? If this is where you’re at, you may want to start researching attorneys now.
- You have made it clear you’re done talking – This is a manipulate power play. There’s a reason you’re done talking and it’s because you are wrong, wrong, wrong. It’s not fun spending the rest of your life until you die with someone who never admits they are wrong.
What’s the takeaway (besides don’t get married)? Get help sooner. Think of your marriage as a car. Your car needs to see a mechanic from time to time. Sometimes it’s a quick fix, other times it may take longer. The other option is to trade in your car for a newer model, but you’ll be back in the shop anyway so why not fix things now while you can and save a bunch of money!
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